Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #245 · 2026-10-27

Euan Lomax
of Dlamini, Vanterpool and Pratt Loft Ladders Partnership

a quarterly driveway chippings subscription that renews itself · renewing subscription

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
21%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 245: Euan Lomax of Dlamini, Vanterpool and Pratt Loft Ladders Partnership, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, no exit

“Bernard asked whether the chippings needed feeding and whether they would suit a bungalow; caller asked for a simple yes and received neither.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Euan Lomax Oh, hello, sorry to bother you — my name's Euan Lomax, from Dlamini, Vanterpool and Pratt Loft Ladders Partnership. I'm just ringing about your driveway, if that's all right?
Bernard Oh, well, hello Euan, that's very good of you to ring. Are you warm enough where you're sitting? Only it's turned quite sharp out, and I'd hate to think of you in a cold office.
Euan Lomax That's very kind, thank you — I'm fine, they keep us quite warm here. Sorry, I should just say why I'm calling: it's the quarterly chippings delivery, and it renews by itself for convenience.
Bernard Chippings, you say. Oh, now, would that be the sort that comes in green? Only I've got a bit of a scheme in mind, and the colour does matter with these things.
Euan Lomax Green, yes, I think green is one of the options — sorry, I'm a bit new, I'll check that. But you do already have gravel down, don't you? So you'd be paying for chippings you don't strictly need.
Bernard Ah, well, I daresay it would brighten the place up. And it renews itself, you said — does it need feeding, or does it just get on with it?
Euan Lomax It just gets on with it — nothing to feed, it simply arrives four times a year and carries on after that. So, if I could just take a simple yes, that's all I need to get your first delivery out.
Bernard Four times a year, that's not bad at all. Now, hold on a moment, my glasses have gone wandering — would it be all right in a bungalow, do you think?
Euan Lomax Yes, sorry — just a simple yes is all I need and then I'll leave you in peace.
Bernard I'm sorry to hear that, and I was very interested, truly. You get yourself home safe now.
Euan Lomax Forget it. I'm putting the phone down now.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming they are the householder with the driveway in question.
  2. Explain the quarterly chippings delivery and that it renews automatically for convenience.
  3. Address the objection that the driveway is already gravelled and needs nothing.
  4. Ask for a simple yes to start the first quarterly delivery.

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