Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #244 · 2026-10-27

Trevor Vanterpool
of Lashley Chimney Sweeping Ltd

a seasonal radiator bleed that arrives unbidden · unbidden service

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
34%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 244: Trevor Vanterpool of Lashley Chimney Sweeping Ltd, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, caller promoted himself out of it

“Bernard asked whether the radiator bleed minded being indoors; Trevor disclosed his Monday promotion to a man attending to a bird.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Trevor Vanterpool Good evening, Trevor Vanterpool here from Lashley Chimney Sweeping Ltd, and we're just confirming we've reached the right household.
Bernard Oh, hello there. Now, is that the front door or the back door you're at? Only I've got a ladder in the shed with a rung missing, so I hope you didn't come up that way.
Trevor Vanterpool No door at all, Mr Pottle, we're on the phone. The reason we're calling is that the seasonal radiator bleed arrives unbidden, as a courtesy, once a year.
Bernard Phone, of course, yes. Well, that's very good of you. A seasonal radiator bleed, you say — unbidden, so it just turns up, does it? Like a bird at the window.
Trevor Vanterpool Like a bird, that's right, nobody has to book a thing. That's the whole convenience of it, no fuss, no appointments.
Bernard Oh, I like the sound of that, no fuss at all. So it just arrives on its own, does it — does it mind being indoors?
Trevor Vanterpool It's indoor work, don't worry. So, just to confirm, we'll keep you on the courtesy round this season — yes?
Bernard Well, I'd have to think about it. Hold on a moment, the bird's making a racket — do you mind if I put the phone down a second while I see to her?
Trevor Vanterpool Of course. And as a kindness, the whole floor and I can escalate this if you'd prefer — I was made team leader on Monday, so it carries a bit more weight now.
Bernard Oh, congratulations on that — team leader on a Monday, that's a big week for you. Sorry, I'm not quite following the rest, my left ear's away with it.
Trevor Vanterpool Right. I'll let you get back to your afternoon. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you're through to the right household, warmly and briefly.
  2. Explain the seasonal radiator bleed arrives unbidden as a courtesy each year.
  3. Head off the objection that nobody asked for it by stressing the no-booking convenience.
  4. Ask for the yes to keep them on the courtesy round this season.

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