Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #241 · 2026-10-26

Roy Quist
of Ottley Wall Coatings

an upgrade to a boiler you did not know you had · unknown upgrade

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
22%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 241: Roy Quist of Ottley Wall Coatings, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, one unlocatable boiler

“Bernard offered to inspect the second boiler in daylight on a Tuesday; caller cited the line and closed.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Roy Quist Roy Quist, Ottley Wall Coatings. It's about the boiler in your home, and I'd like a minute.
Bernard Well, you're very clear, I'll say that for you. I'm Bernard, and a boiler, you say — now I thought I knew my house rather well, but there we are. Go on then, what's he done?
Roy Quist Bernard, thanks for the time. Here's the thing: you own a boiler you don't know about, and Ottley Wall Coatings is arranging an upgrade to it. That's the news I'm calling with.
Bernard A boiler I don't know about. Oh, that's a turn-up. I've only the one, tucked away in the cupboard, so a second one's been hiding from me — where would it be? Mind you, the clock in the hall hides things from me. It's fast, you see.
Roy Quist Bernard, I'd say you've simply never had reason to look, and that's very common. If you'll just approve the upgrade today, I'll take it from there and we're all square.
Bernard Well, that's very good of you. I'd have to think, mind. Does this other boiler need feeding, or is it one that looks after itself? I ask because there's a bird in the front room and he's particular.
Roy Quist Bernard, a yes from you today and we're finished. That's the whole of it.
Bernard You're very keen, and I like that in a person. But I'd want to see this boiler first, in the light, before I say yes to anything. Is it the sort of thing a fellow could look at on a Tuesday?
Roy Quist I'm the best on this floor, Bernard, and I still can't get a straight path through this. The line's been poor and the hour's no good to anyone, so I'll let you go — we're not getting anywhere today.
Bernard Well, I'm sorry to hear that, I really am — I was very interested, you know. Off you go then, and mind yourself out there.
Roy Quist I'll try again when the line's behaving. Good afternoon.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Introduce yourself and ask to speak about their boiler.
  2. Explain they own a boiler they don't know about.
  3. Address the objection that they'd have noticed a boiler.
  4. Ask them to approve the upgrade today.

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