Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #238 · 2026-10-26

Aisling Pendry
of Elverton Cross Group Holdings

a certificate confirming a gatepost is in daily use · certification

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
9%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 238: Aisling Pendry of Elverton Cross Group Holdings, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, caller self-terminated

“Bernard offered the caller tea and a colour consultation; caller declined both and closed the file.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Aisling Pendry Oh, hello there! This is Aisling Pendry from Elverton Cross Group Holdings — brilliant to catch you. I'm just ringing to check whether your gatepost is still standing and being used every day.
Bernard Well, hello to you, that's very good of you to ask. Hold on a tick, I've got the sound down now — sorry, you were saying about a gatepost? The one at the end of my path, is it?
Aisling Pendry Brilliant, yes, that's the one! The certificate simply affirms the daily use of the gatepost you already have — lovely bit of paperwork.
Bernard Affirms daily use, right, yes. Now — is that the same as the letter I had about the hedge, or is this a different department? Only I've got a fence panel the dog leans on, and I worry about that more.
Aisling Pendry Ha, no, the hedge is a whole different department! I'll be quick though — I know it seems odd to put a gatepost's use in writing, but that's exactly what the certificate is for.
Bernard Oh, I'm in no rush at all. Would you like a cup of tea while we do this? I've got the kettle on for myself anyway.
Aisling Pendry That's very kind, but I'm on the phone, so I'll have to pass! So just to confirm, can I put you down for the certificate of daily gatepost use?
Bernard Well, I'd have to think about it — but yes, I'm very interested. Does it come in green at all? Only the gatepost is green, and it'd be a shame to get it wrong.
Aisling Pendry Green, lovely feedback — I'll write that down! Honestly, I've rather lost my way in this one, so I'll leave it there.
Bernard Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. You sounded like you were doing a grand job — I was very interested — so you take care now, and mind the traffic on your way home.
Aisling Pendry Forget it. I'm putting the phone down now.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by asking whether the gatepost is still standing and being used daily.
  2. Explain the certificate affirms daily use of the gatepost they already have.
  3. Address the objection that the gatepost's obvious use needs no paperwork.
  4. Ask for the yes to issue the certificate of daily gatepost use.

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