Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #237 · 2026-10-26

Kirsty Peckham
of Vandeleur Wall Coatings

a bundle of a water butt and a folding chair · bundle

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
38%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

The whole call in one image, made for sharing. Right-click or long-press to save it, or use the link.

Share card for call 237: Kirsty Peckham of Vandeleur Wall Coatings, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no signature, caller closed the file himself

“Bernard asked whether the chair folds flat for the loft hatch; Kirsty asked him to sign; he said he couldn't be signing for anything just now.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Kirsty Peckham Good morning, this is Kirsty Peckham at Vandeleur Wall Coatings, and I'm ringing because I've got a ready-made arrangement with your name on it. Two minutes, that's all I need.
Bernard Good morning to you, Kirsty. Now, are you selling, or asking? Because I've had both this week, and I like to be ready.
Kirsty Peckham Bernard, it's a purchase, plain and simple. Vandeleur Wall Coatings has put together a water butt and a folding chair as one ready-made arrangement, and I'd like you sitting down with both of them.
Bernard A water butt and a chair, together. Now, why the two of them in one go? I'm trying to picture it.
Kirsty Peckham Because you need somewhere to sit while it fills, Bernard. That's the whole idea, and it's a good one.
Bernard Oh, that's clever. You'd be sat there watching it, and the rain comes, and you'd not want to be on your feet the whole while. Does it take long, the filling?
Kirsty Peckham Long enough that you'll be grateful for the chair, Bernard. Now, I'd like you to take the bundle today.
Bernard Well, I'd have to think on it. And does the chair fold flat? Only the loft hatch won't stay up and I'm short of places to put things.
Kirsty Peckham It folds flat, and I'll be quick, it's one bundle so there's nothing to work out. Shall I put you down for it today, Bernard?
Bernard Well, that's very good of you. I can't be signing for anything just now, though.
Kirsty Peckham Right. I'll let you get back to your afternoon. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Introduce yourself and Vandeleur Wall Coatings by name.
  2. Describe the water butt and folding chair as one ready-made arrangement.
  3. Address why a chair belongs with a water butt: sit while it fills.
  4. Ask Kirsty to take the bundle today.

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