Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #236 · 2026-10-26

Colin Petrie
of Achebe Glazing Ltd

a annual greenhouse condensation subscription that renews itself · renewing subscription

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
34%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 236: Colin Petrie of Achebe Glazing Ltd, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, no exit

“Bernard asked whether the subscription came in green and whether it would mind the bird; the caller said the call had worn a groove in him and opted for the post.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Colin Petrie Colin Petrie, Achebe Glazing. Ringing about your greenhouse glass, specifically the condensation. You're the one who deals with that, presumably.
Bernard Oh, that's me, that's me. Well, I'd have to say the glass is a bit of a mystery to me, but I'm very interested. Now, who did you say you were with?
Colin Petrie Colin, Achebe Glazing. So the annual condensation subscription keeps your panes clear all year, and it renews itself automatically, which is the convenient bit.
Bernard A subscription, you say. Well, that's very good of you. Does it come in green, at all? Only I'm fond of green.
Colin Petrie You'd think condensation clears itself, and then a winter morning arrives. That's when the renewal rollover kicks in, see, and you're covered for the next one.
Bernard Winter mornings, yes, that's the trouble. I've a fuse box in the hall with one labelled spare, and I've never been sure what it does. Would your rollover need plugging in?
Colin Petrie No plugs, nothing electrical. Just say yes and cover starts this week, then it renews itself next year without you lifting a finger.
Bernard Well, I'm very interested, I really am. Now, would it mind the bird? Only there's a bird in the front room and it's particular.
Colin Petrie Look, I've done this call so many times it's worn a groove in me. I'll put it all in writing and post it out to you instead.
Bernard Well, I'm sorry to hear that, and I was very interested, truly. You take care of yourself now.
Colin Petrie I'll send it in the post instead. Save us both the trouble. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you have reached the person who handles the glazing firm's glass.
  2. Describe the annual condensation subscription keeping greenhouses clear, renewing automatically for convenience.
  3. Address the objection that condensation clears itself, citing winter mornings and renewal rollover.
  4. Ask for the yes to start cover this week and auto-renew next year.

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