Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #233 · 2026-10-26

Carol Gopal
of Garrowby Holdings

a bundle of a garden gate and a doormat · bundle

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
34%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 233: Carol Gopal of Garrowby Holdings, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, caller withdrew before noon

“Bernard asked whether the gate squeaks and whether the bundle would suit a bungalow; the caller answered neither and left the line to himself.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Carol Gopal Carol Gopal, Garrowby Holdings. Quick one — I need to confirm I've got the holdings company's gate and doorway.
Bernard Oh, hello there. Is it raining where you are? Only I've been looking at the shed roof and there's a bucket under it that's doing a fine job of things.
Carol Gopal Bucket's doing its job, that's more than mine is. So — the paired arrangement. One garden gate and one doormat, sold together, in one go.
Bernard Well, now, a gate and a mat. Would the gate be the sort that squeaks, do you know? I quite like a squeak — lets you know someone's coming up the path.
Carol Gopal Squeak or no squeak, I couldn't tell you, and honestly it's a gate and a mat that go together is all. Folks say they've got nothing in common — they're at the same address, that's the common ground.
Bernard Oh, that's a nice way of putting it. Same address — like me and the bird, we're at the same address whether we like it or not. Now, what was the pair again?
Carol Gopal Same address, right. One garden gate, one doormat, both at yours, both sold as one. Which brings me to the bit where I ask — yes on the bundle today?
Bernard Oh, I'd have to think about that one, I really would. Would it be all right in a bungalow, do you think? Only I've got a ladder in the shed, but it's missing a rung, so I'd not be up and down it.
Carol Gopal Look, I'll be straight with you — I've done this call more times than I can count today and it's not even noon, and I don't think either of us is getting anywhere. I'll give it another go another day, Bernard. Cheers now.
Bernard Oh, I'm sorry to hear that — I was very interested, I really was. You take care out there, and mind the traffic on the way home.
Carol Gopal I'll ring you back another day. Bye now.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you have reached the holdings company's gate and doorway.
  2. Present the paired arrangement: one garden gate, one doormat, sold together.
  3. Address the objection that a gate and mat have nothing to do with each other.
  4. Ask for the yes on the combined gate-and-mat bundle today.

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