Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #231 · 2026-10-26

Ieuan Mowbray
of Asquith Driveway Sealing Ltd

a fortnightly radiator bleed that arrives unbidden · unbidden service

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
22%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 231: Ieuan Mowbray of Asquith Driveway Sealing Ltd, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no yes, caller lost the thread and left

“Bernard offered the caller a hot drink and a safe journey; the caller offered a fortnightly radiator bleed and then forgot what he was selling.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Ieuan Mowbray Hello there, Ieuan Mowbray here from Asquith Driveway Sealing Ltd, and I'm ringing because I'm just round your way and will be with you shortly. Brilliant!
Bernard Well, that's very good of you. Are you warm enough where you're sitting, though? Only it's turned chilly out, and I'd hate you to be cold on your rounds.
Ieuan Mowbray That's kind of you to ask, love that. So the fortnightly radiator bleed is a free courtesy service we run for everyone in the area — it's no cost to you at all!
Bernard A free courtesy, is it? Now, does that need doing fortnightly, or is it the sort of thing that waits till the weather turns? My ironing board's been up against the door so long I forget what's behind it.
Ieuan Mowbray It's every two weeks, regular as clockwork — and really, it's no trouble at all for us, honestly, not a bit of bother.
Bernard Free, you said? That's very good of you. Would you like a cup of something when you get here?
Ieuan Mowbray Oh, you're a lovely man, I'd never say no to that. Now then, shall I put you down as a yes to keep the fortnightly visits coming?
Bernard Well, I'd have to think about it, but yes, I'm very interested. Now, what was it again — the radiator what?
Ieuan Mowbray The radiator bleed, the fortnightly one. So if I could just get that yes from you to keep them coming — that'd be just, that's the thing I need, the yes, and then we'd, the fortnightly, and — I've rather lost where I was going with that.
Bernard Oh dear, and you'd started so well. I'm sorry to hear it — I was very interested, mind. You trot along now and mind the traffic.
Ieuan Mowbray Forget it. I'm putting the phone down now.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by saying you're nearby and will be round shortly.
  2. Explain the fortnightly radiator bleed as a free courtesy service.
  3. Brush off not asking for it by stressing it's no trouble at all.
  4. Ask for a yes to keep the fortnightly visits coming.

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