Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #230 · 2026-10-26

Brenda Pinnock
of The Institute of Independent Cistern Auditors

a certificate confirming a back step is in daily use · certification

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
14%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 230: Brenda Pinnock of The Institute of Independent Cistern Auditors, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no agreement, sock located

“Bernard requested a green certificate and a word with the chap who did the step; the caller offered both a colour and a yes, and got neither.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Brenda Pinnock Bernard, it's Brenda Pinnock at The Institute of Independent Cistern Auditors — I'm ringing because you use that back step of yours daily, and I want to get it on record.
Bernard Oh, the back step, yes. I use it every day, rain or shine — well, mostly shine, I'm not one for getting my feet wet. And who did you say you were with?
Brenda Pinnock The Institute of Independent Cistern Auditors, Bernard — and this is straightforward. The certificate simply records that the step is in daily use, which you've just told me yourself.
Bernard Well, that's very good of you. Auditors, you said — so you'd be the ones who check the... the cisterns? There's one in my airing cupboard, I think, though it mostly smells of warm towels.
Brenda Pinnock Bernard, I know it sounds obvious — why would anyone need proof of something you do every day? But records exist for a reason, and I'm very good at what I do. So will you accept the certificate today?
Bernard Oh, I'd have to think about it. It's not that I don't believe you, it's just — what does the certificate look like? Would it come in green, by any chance?
Brenda Pinnock Green's entirely doable, Bernard, and I'll be honest with you — I've been doing this a long while and I'd still like a yes out of you today. So shall I put you down for it?
Bernard You're very patient with me, Brenda. Hold on a moment — there's a sock behind the radiator and it's been bothering me all morning. Now, what was it I was accepting?
Brenda Pinnock The certificate, Bernard — the one that records your daily use of the back step. Same thing you were about to agree to a moment ago.
Bernard Ah, the certificate. Well, I'd still want a word with the chap who did the step before I put my name to anything.
Brenda Pinnock Right. I'll let you get back to your afternoon. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming they personally use the back step daily.
  2. Explain the certificate simply records that daily use.
  3. Address the objection that this is obvious and needs no proof.
  4. Ask whether they will accept the certificate today.

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