Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #229 · 2026-10-26

Ingrid Bramble
of The Trust for Domestic Silence

a bundle of a gatepost and a bag of gravel · bundle

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
22%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 229: Ingrid Bramble of The Trust for Domestic Silence, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, no exit

“Caller conceded the gatepost and gravel were unconnected, then lost the thread near the bird feeder and opted for the post.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Ingrid Bramble Good afternoon, Ingrid Bramble here, team leader as of Monday, from The Trust for Domestic Silence — and we're all wondering whether your gatepost has ever felt a little under-supported.
Bernard Oh, hello there. Have you had your lunch? Sorry — gatepost, you said. Yes, my gatepost. Though I'd have to say the bird feeder's the one that causes me trouble, with that squirrel.
Ingrid Bramble Lunch is a distant memory here, Bernard, we're all flat out. So, the bundle: one gatepost and one bag of gravel, sold together as an arrangement.
Bernard Well, that's very good of you. An arrangement, is it? My late wife used to say the same about flowers. Now, the gatepost — would it be all right standing on its own, or does it need the gravel to hold its hand?
Ingrid Bramble Now that's the sensible question, Bernard, and the whole floor agrees with you — the two items aren't actually connected. The gatepost stands perfectly well alone, and the gravel is simply gravel of its own.
Bernard Oh, I see. So they're not... they don't go together. That's a bit like me and the immersion heater, to be honest — two settings and never the twain. So the gravel's just along for the ride, is it?
Ingrid Bramble That's exactly it, Bernard, along for the ride. And since you've been so patient with us, could you put a modest contribution to the trust behind it — a few dollars, entirely imaginary, mind.
Bernard Oh, imaginary money, that's the safest sort. Now, would a small one be enough, or should I think about it properly? Let me just find my glasses.
Ingrid Bramble I'll be honest with you, Bernard — I've lost the thread of our own arrangement somewhere back near the bird feeder. We'll put it all in writing instead.
Bernard Well, I'm sorry to hear that, and I was very interested, truly. You take care now, and mind the traffic.
Ingrid Bramble I'll send it in the post instead. Save us both the trouble. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by asking whether their gatepost has ever felt under-supported.
  2. Explain the bundle: one gatepost, one bag of gravel, sold as an arrangement.
  3. Address the obvious objection by noting the two items are not connected.
  4. Ask for the yes by proposing a modest contribution to the trust.

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