Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #228 · 2026-10-26

Euan Petrie
of Ferrier Chimney Sweeping Services

a membership with no savings and no newsletters · membership

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
22%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 228: Euan Petrie of Ferrier Chimney Sweeping Services, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, no exit; caller handed off

“Bernard asked whether the membership would need feeding and whether it would be all right in a bungalow; nothing was sold, and the caller's name was the only name written down.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Euan Petrie Hello there! Euan Petrie here, from Ferrier Chimney Sweeping Services — just ringing about our sweeping round, and the households on it who already know me.
Bernard Oh, hello! Sweeping round, yes — I was just thinking about something else entirely, so start again and I'll catch up. It's a good day for it, mind. Now, is this the round that comes up the hill first, or the other way about?
Euan Petrie Ha, brilliant, the hill question — love that. But before we get to hills, the Ferrier Membership is what I'm on about: no savings, no newsletters, confers nothing at all. Isn't that marvellous?
Bernard Marvellous, yes. Well, I'd have to think about it. No savings and no newsletters — and would it want feeding, that? Only I've had trouble with things that need looking after.
Euan Petrie It won't need a thing, that's the beauty of it! So — the obvious question, what does it actually get you? Prestige. That's the answer.
Bernard Prestige! Oh, that's very good of you. And where would it go — I mean, would it be all right in a bungalow? Only I've got the notices pinned inside my porch, and there's not much room.
Euan Petrie Ha, brilliant — a bungalow's absolutely fine, it takes up no room at all. So shall I just pop your name on the list then, nothing delivered?
Bernard Well, that sounds very reasonable. Just my name on it, and nothing delivered — what was the name again? I want to get it written somewhere before I forget.
Euan Petrie Euan Petrie, that's me. So, your name on the list — can I put you down?
Bernard Oh, I'd have to think about it, if that's all right. Only I've a chimney pot the birds nest in, and I don't like to commit to anything without asking after them first.
Euan Petrie I'll get someone else to ring you. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by mentioning your sweeping round and the households who already know you.
  2. Explain the Ferrier Membership: no savings, no newsletters, confers nothing at all.
  3. Address the obvious objection: what exactly does it get them? Answer: prestige.
  4. Ask for the yes: their name on the list, nothing delivered.

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