Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #227 · 2026-10-26

Petra Lashley
of Elverton Cross Holdings

an upgrade to a shed you did not know you had · unknown upgrade

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
22%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 227: Petra Lashley of Elverton Cross Holdings, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no shed, no slab repaired

“Bernard asked whether the shed would suit a bungalow and offered the caller the rocking slab as a possible add-on; the caller blamed the line and hung up on his own script.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Petra Lashley Petra Lashley, Elverton Cross Holdings. Just checking I've got the right household.
Bernard Oh, hello there. You have, yes — this is the Pottle house, that's me. Now, I've put my glasses down somewhere, so you'll have to bear with me. Say the first bit again, would you?
Petra Lashley That's the one. Locality records show a shed on your land awaiting an upgrade nobody ordered. Sorry, I know that's a strange sentence to hear before breakfast.
Bernard A shed, is it? Oh, well, that's lovely. Mind you, I'd have to go and look — I don't want to be saying yes to something that isn't there. What sort of a shrub was it, did you say?
Petra Lashley No shrub, and no need to look — the Group's cadastral annex covers it. I'll be quick: it's on the map, so we can proceed.
Bernard Cadastral, right you are. That's a lovely word, that. Well, I'm very interested, I am. Now — would it be all right in a bungalow? Only I'm in one, you see.
Petra Lashley It's on the map either way. So can I put you down as a yes?
Bernard Well, I'd have to think about it, but yes — I'm very interested. Hold on, I've just remembered, there's a slab on the front path that rocks. Would your shed people be able to see to that at all?
Petra Lashley A rocking slab, that's a new one. Sorry, my line's been like this all morning, and honestly I don't think I'm getting anywhere here — I'll leave it with you.
Bernard Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, that's a shame. I was very interested, I really was. You mind how you go now, and take care on the way home.
Petra Lashley I'll try again when the line's behaving. Good afternoon.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you have reached the right household, without naming the shed.
  2. Explain the locality records a shed on their land awaiting an upgrade nobody ordered.
  3. Address the obvious objection that they have no shed by citing the Group's cadastral annex.
  4. Ask for the yes to proceed with the upgrade on their unrecognised shed.

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