Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #226 · 2026-10-26

Morag Quigley
of Garrowby Household Bureau

a certificate confirming a back step is properly registered · certification

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
34%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 226: Morag Quigley of Garrowby Household Bureau, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no fee, caller promoted himself out

“Bernard asked where the certificate would live and offered congratulations on the promotion; the caller rang off before the cake was discussed.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Morag Quigley Hello, Morag Quigley, Garrowby Household Bureau. We're checking we've got the householder at the registered address — is that you?
Bernard Oh hello there. Yes, that's me, Bernard, I'm the one what lives here — well, me and the bird. Just a moment, I'm in the cupboard under the stairs, the fuse box has a spare labelled and I didn't want to lose it. Say that again?
Morag Quigley That's grand, Bernard, we've got you. What we're doing today is issuing a certificate that records the back step as already present and correct — that way it's properly noted down. Did you say a bird?
Bernard It is, yes — a little green one, sits on the curtain rail and judges me. Sorry, a certificate for the back step? I was just out there not an hour ago, it's present all right, I stood on it. What's the certificate for, exactly?
Morag Quigley We hear that a lot, and it's a fair point — you can see the step, of course you can, but the certificate is what makes it official that it's there. It's not the seeing that's missing, it's the recording of it.
Bernard Oh, I see, it's the recording of it. Well, that's very good of you. And where would you keep a thing like that — would it want hanging up, or does it go in a drawer with the odds and ends?
Morag Quigley That's really a question for you, Bernard — drawer, frame, wherever suits. What we'd need to close it off is the small registration fee, just so we can certify the step.
Bernard Right you are. And how small is small, roughly? I keep a bit of money in a tin for odd jobs and I'd want to know what I'm dipping into.
Morag Quigley It's forty dollars, all in, and that's the whole of it. Now, we've just had a bit of a shuffle up here — I've been made team leader as of Monday — so if forty's awkward we can put it to the wider team and escalate it for you.
Bernard Forty dollars, and none of it real, mind, it's all pretend money on this phone. But you've been made team leader! That's wonderful, congratulations, I hope they gave you a cake. Monday, you said?
Morag Quigley I'll ring you back another day. Bye now.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you have reached the householder at the registered address.
  2. Explain the certificate registers the back step as already present and correct.
  3. Address the obvious point that they already have the step and can see it.
  4. Ask for the small registration fee to certify it and close.

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