Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #223 · 2026-10-26

Anjali Pratt
of The Association of Registered Loft Hatch Inspectors

a seasonal fence review that arrives unbidden · unbidden service

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
22%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno attendance, no access point, side gate noted to nobody

“Bernard offered the inspector a cup of something; the caller confirmed a cup is not in subsection B.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Anjali Pratt Anjali Pratt, from The Association of Registered Loft Hatch Inspectors. I'm ringing because the season's changed and your fence may have shifted.
Bernard Oh, the fence, yes. Well, that's very good of you to think of it. I've been meaning to look at it since the wind we had, only I got distracted by a letter about the hedge. Now, what was it you were asking me?
Anjali Pratt That's quite all right, Mr Pottle. The seasonal fence review arrives unbidden as a registered courtesy, per policy forty-two, subsection B.
Bernard Unbidden, you say. Well, that's rather nice, arriving unbidden. Does policy forty-two know I'm a bit slow on my feet? Only I'd want to be out there with whoever comes.
Anjali Pratt Then your objection's already answered, Mr Pottle — the review sits in the diary regardless. May I take it the inspector can attend unaccompanied?
Bernard Unaccompanied. Well, now, I'd have to think about that. Would they want a cup of something while they're out there? Only it feels rude to have someone in the garden and not offer.
Anjali Pratt That's kind, but it's not in subsection B. So — may I put your name against the attendance slot?
Bernard Oh, you can put my name down, that's no trouble. Only I should say, I'm not sure the gate latch is right. Would they mind coming round the side instead?
Anjali Pratt I'll note the side gate, though the form only allows for one access point. Just to confirm — is that a yes to the attendance?
Bernard Well, it's a sort of yes, isn't it. I mean, I'm very interested, but my glasses have gone wandering and I can't read the thing you'd send. Is it a long form?
Anjali Pratt Right. I'll let you get back to your afternoon. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by noting the season changed and their fence may have shifted.
  2. Explain the seasonal fence review arrives unbidden as a registered courtesy.
  3. Handle the objection that nobody ordered it by stressing it is already scheduled.
  4. Ask for the yes: confirm the inspector may attend unaccompanied.

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