Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #221 · 2026-10-26

Carol Petley
of Peckham Loft Boarding Ltd

a certificate confirming a fridge is still where you left it · certification

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
22%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

The whole call in one image, made for sharing. Right-click or long-press to save it, or use the link.

Share card for call 221: Carol Petley of Peckham Loft Boarding Ltd, 15 minutes.

Save the card

The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

Download the clip (MP4, vertical) · Caption to paste

The manager's note

Verdictverbal yes, no form, no glasses, no exit

“Bernard agreed to everything except the part where anything was agreed; caller handed him off to a colleague, who is also on this file.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Carol Petley Carol Petley, Peckham Loft Boarding Ltd. You're the householder at the fridge address, and I'm here about your fridge certificate.
Bernard Oh, the certificate, right you are. And this proves the fridge hasn't wandered off, does it? Only mine's been in the same spot since I can't remember when. Now, would you like a cup of something while we go through it?
Carol Petley Bernard, the certificate is a document showing your fridge is exactly where you left it, issued today. Now, I'd like to get you on the list for householder at the fridge address.
Bernard Sorry, the line went a bit quiet. What was it you wanted me on again?
Carol Petley I know you can see the fridge with your own eyes, Bernard, but the certificate is the official record of that. It's evidence, on paper, signed off.
Bernard Evidence, on paper. Well, that's very good of you. And would there be a signature? I do like a signature, my handwriting's gone shocking since my wrist played up.
Carol Petley Nobody does this better than me, Bernard. So can I put you down for a yes and get that certificate out today?
Bernard You can put me down for a yes, that's no trouble. Only my glasses have gone wandering again, so I can't look at the form just yet. Does it come in green, at all?
Carol Petley Noted, Bernard. So that's a yes, and I'll get your certificate out today.
Bernard That's very good of you. Oh, and what was the word you used before — something with a P, was it? I meant to ask.
Carol Petley I'll get someone else to ring you. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you've reached the householder at the fridge address.
  2. Explain the certificate proving the fridge has not moved.
  3. Address the obvious objection: yes, they can see it themselves.
  4. Ask for the yes to issue the certificate today.

Leaderboard · All calls · ← previous · next →