Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #220 · 2026-10-26

Janet Pinnock
of Crump Driveway Sealing

an upgrade to a fridge you did not know you had · unknown upgrade

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
22%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 220: Janet Pinnock of Crump Driveway Sealing, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, caller retired the line

“Bernard asked whether the fridge came in green for the bird; caller blamed the line and hung up on a working phone.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Janet Pinnock Good afternoon, Janet Pinnock here from Crump Driveway Sealing — we're ringing about an upgrade that applies to your fridge, and it's rather good news.
Bernard Oh, hello Janet. Now, is that the front door or the back door you're at? Only I've got the immersion heater on and I can't always hear which side folks are knocking at.
Janet Pinnock Oh, we're not at any door, Bernard — we're on the phone, all of us here on the floor behind me. The upgrade applies to the fridge you already own but never registered with us, that's what we're looking at today.
Bernard On the floor, is it? Well, I hope there's a cup of something warm down there with you. Sorry, go on — something about my fridge that I never told anyone about?
Janet Pinnock No registration needed at all, Bernard, it qualifies automatically — nobody has to have told anyone anything. Shall we just say yes and get it sorted?
Bernard Well, that's very good of you, and yes, I'm very interested. Only, does it come in green? My bird's rather fussy about new things in the front room.
Janet Pinnock Ha, we don't really do colours, Bernard, it's more of a technical adjustment. Look — can I just pop you down as a yes and get the whole thing settled today?
Bernard Oh, technical, right you are. Give me a moment, I've just got to pop the phone down and check on the shed padlock — there's no key for it, you see, and I like to rattle it.
Janet Pinnock That's fine, we'll hold on, we're all still here. Just so we're clear, no key's needed for the fridge either — it all happens by itself, so it's really just a yes we're after.
Bernard It's very clever, all this happening by itself. Sorry, I think I've quite lost the thread — what was I meant to be saying yes to?
Janet Pinnock I'll try again when the line's behaving. Good afternoon.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by introducing yourself and Crump Driveway Sealing, warmly but briskly.
  2. Explain the upgrade applies to the fridge they already own but never registered.
  3. Handle the obvious objection: no registration needed, the fridge qualifies automatically.
  4. Ask for the yes and confirm the upgrade in the same breath.

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