Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #22 · 2026-10-19

Gareth Pemberton
of Marlowe & Flisk Domestic Enhancements

an airing cupboard for a lighthouse · climate control

27
Minutes on the line
22%
Will to live
10
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no surveyor, parrot pending

“Caller closed on a surveyor; customer closed on whether the surveyor brings his own tea.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Gareth Pemberton Good evening, sir, Gareth Pemberton here from Marlowe & Flisk Domestic Enhancements — am I speaking with the registered keeper of a coastal structure?
Bernard Oh — well — now, that depends what you'd call coastal. I'm about a mile inland, but the garden does get a fair bit of salt in the wind. Bernard Pottle, by the way. And who did you say you were with?
Gareth Pemberton Gareth Pemberton, Marlowe and Flisk, as I said. And it's really the linen-warming capacity of our airing cupboard I want to tell you about — it holds a generous quantity of towels, and warms them to a pleasing, even temperature throughout.
Bernard Marlowe and Flask, got you. Now, does it hold them all at once, or do you rotate? Only I've a parrot called Mavis and she does like a warm towel on her perch of a morning.
Gareth Pemberton Ha — Mavis sounds a character. It holds a good number at once, and the louvred door is the safety feature there — lets the warmth breathe rather than building up, which is really the whole point.
Bernard A louvred door, you say. Does that mean she could get her beak through the slats? She's a clever thing and she does poke about. Mind you, she's mostly out in the conservatory of an afternoon.
Gareth Pemberton Honestly, most customers find the slats far too narrow for that. Now, just moving on — does the lamp room get much damp, would you say? I'll note it and move along.
Bernard The conservatory does get a bit of a fug in January, if that's the sort of thing you mean. Oh — you said lamp room. Is that the louvred door with the slats again, or something else entirely?
Gareth Pemberton No, that's quite separate — the lamp room's the damp question, if you have one. But anyway, to close: a surveyor will be in touch with you, and there we are.
Bernard A surveyor, right you are. Would he want tea, do you think, or would he bring his own? And when's he coming — I only ask because Tuesdays I'm at the garden centre.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming he is the registered keeper of a coastal structure.
  2. Describe the airing cupboard's linen-warming capacity in vague terms.
  3. Mention a louvred door as though it were a safety feature.
  4. Ask whether the lamp room gets much damp, then move on.
  5. Close by saying a surveyor will call, without giving a date.

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