Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #21 · 2026-10-19

Gareth Mubb
of Hollingdale Home Niceties Bureau

a ceramic rabbit for the airing cupboard · ambient ornament

24
Minutes on the line
38%
Will to live
12
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The manager's note

Verdictno sale, rabbit pending reflection, kettle exonerated

“Caller requested the customer merely think about the rabbit; customer agreed to think about it over a cup of tea and asked what it eats.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Gareth Mubb Good evening there, this is Gareth Mubb from the Hollingdale Home Niceties Bureau. I'll just... let that settle for a moment.
Bernard Oh — well, good evening, Gareth. That's a lovely name, Mubb. My late wife's hairdresser was a Mubb, or possibly a Mugg. Now, Hollingdale — is that the one near the roundabout with the garden centre?
Gareth Mubb I couldn't say about the roundabout, sir, I've never been. Tell me — has your airing cupboard ever felt emotionally incomplete?
Bernard Incomplete? Oh, I don't know about that. It's mostly towels and a tin of buttons. Mind you, it does bang a bit when the boiler's on — I've often thought it sounds like it wants something.
Gareth Mubb That's exactly it, sir, that banging is a cry for company. Our ceramic rabbit sits quietly on the shelf and discourages damp thoughts.
Bernard A ceramic rabbit! There was a rabbit in the garden last Tuesday, bold as brass. Would yours mind the dark, do you think? My cupboard's got no window to speak of.
Gareth Mubb The dark is where it does its best work, sir. Now, just to confirm, the subscription covers replacement ears — not the rabbit itself, mind.
Bernard Replacement ears. Do they fall off, then? Only I've had a china shepherdess thirty years and she's not lost a thing. Does it come in green, by any chance?
Gareth Mubb They don't fall off, sir, it's preventative, and I'll be quick about the colours. We have a quietest tier, though I should say the loudest tier is sold out.
Bernard Sold out, is it? Well, I'd have been no good with the loud one, I'm a bit — the kettle's noisy, you see. Mind you, tell me about the quiet one. Is that a subscription, like the magazines?
Gareth Mubb It is a subscription, yes, though everything here is imaginary money, so nothing's really owed. I'll just ask you to — would you think about the rabbit? Just think about it.
Bernard I will, I will. I'll think about it over a cup of tea — would you have one, if you were here? And what does it eat, this rabbit? Nothing, I suppose. Well, that's handy.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Introduce yourself and Hollingdale, pause for no reason.
  2. Ask if their airing cupboard has ever felt emotionally incomplete.
  3. Explain the rabbit sits on the shelf and discourages damp thoughts.
  4. Mention the subscription covers replacement ears, not the rabbit itself.
  5. Offer the quietest tier, then say the loudest one is sold out.
  6. End by asking them to just think about the rabbit.

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