Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #217 · 2026-10-26

Nigel Sithole
of Kowalski Draincare

an annual inspection of the phone line you have never used · inspection

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
9%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 217: Nigel Sithole of Kowalski Draincare, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, no exit

“Caller reframed a pause as a yes; Bernard went for the pad in the hall and the caller went for the receiver.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Nigel Sithole Bernard, good to hear you. Nigel Sithole, Kowalski Draincare — ringing because your annual phone line inspection is due. Just to confirm, that's you responsible for the line?
Bernard Oh, well, now, the line. Yes, I suppose that would be me — there's only me here, so it's me by default. The birds nest in the chimney pot, you see, and I was just watching them. What was it about the line again?
Nigel Sithole Nigel Sithole, Kowalski Draincare. So, Bernard, the annual inspection covers the line you've never used — the one on the account. It's a quick look-over of a line that's sat quiet all year, and it's due.
Bernard The line, the line. Well, I can't remember the last time that rang, honestly. Never used it, you say, and that does sound like mine. Is it a proper look-over, or do you just give it a dust?
Nigel Sithole It's a proper one, Bernard — everything's checked top to bottom on a line that's sat idle. And if you can't put your hand on it, I'll trace it for you myself, no trouble at all. Shall I book it in now?
Bernard Though, the thing is, I couldn't tell you where it runs off to. Somewhere by the garden gate that sticks in wet weather, maybe. Would you trace it from the outside?
Nigel Sithole From wherever it suits you, Bernard — I'll sort it. Now, best on my floor, so let's not let this one drift: shall I put your annual inspection in the diary now?
Bernard Well, I'd have to think about it, and I'm not one to rush. But that's very good of you. Would it need me to be in, or could it get on without me while I'm out?
Nigel Sithole Bernard, a pause like that is just a yes waiting for a slot, and I'd rather book it than lose it. So which day suits for the annual inspection — the diary fills, and I'd hate to think of that line sat unchecked.
Bernard You've talked me most of the way there, I'll admit. I'm very interested, truly, but I'm not quite at a day yet — I'd want the little pad from the hall. What days are you doing?
Nigel Sithole Forget it. I'm putting the phone down now.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you have reached the person responsible for the phone line.
  2. Explain the annual inspection covers the line they have never used.
  3. Answer the objection that they cannot find the line by offering to trace it.
  4. Ask for the yes on booking the annual inspection now.

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