Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #215 · 2026-10-26

Declan Palgrave
of The Bramblehyde Trust

an upgrade to a coal bunker you did not know you had · unknown upgrade

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
22%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

The whole call in one image, made for sharing. Right-click or long-press to save it, or use the link.

Share card for call 215: Declan Palgrave of The Bramblehyde Trust, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, caller withdrew in writing

“Bernard offered the caller cheese and asked after his lunch; the bunker was never established, and the caller left by post.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Declan Palgrave Oh, hello there! Declan Palgrave, from The Bramblehyde Trust — just checking I've got the right person, the owner of a coal bunker.
Bernard Well, hello to you. Have you had your lunch? I only ask because I've just had a bit of cheese and I don't like eating alone. Now then, a coal bunker, you said?
Declan Palgrave Cheese, lovely! Thanks for asking, I had a sandwich, so I'm grand. Now, the exciting bit — you see, your bunker has qualified for an upgrade you were never told about.
Bernard An upgrade, is it? Well, that's very good of someone. Now what would a person do with an upgrade? Does it want feeding?
Declan Palgrave That's a good one, really brilliant! So I do hear this a lot — you're sitting there thinking you've never had a bunker in your life, am I right?
Bernard Oh, I've been sitting here quite a while, that's true enough. The fence panel out the back is leaning where the dog goes, and I keep meaning to see to it. But a bunker now — what does it look like?
Declan Palgrave Lovely, feedback like that really helps, so thank you! Look, I know the bunker business is strange, but all I need is your yes and I can get you booked in.
Bernard Well, I'd have to think about it. I'm very interested, mind, but my glasses have gone wandering again. What was the word — a bunker, you said?
Declan Palgrave Ha, brilliant, your glasses doing a runner! And yes, a bunker. Honestly, I've been at this all day and I'm not sure I believe in bunkers either — but I'll put it all in writing for you instead.
Bernard Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, I was very interested. You go and put your feet up now, and mind the rain on the way home.
Declan Palgrave I'll send it in the post instead. Save us both the trouble. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you have reached the party who owns a coal bunker.
  2. Explain the bunker has qualified for an upgrade they were never told about.
  3. Address the obvious objection that they do not own a coal bunker.
  4. Ask for the yes to schedule the upgrade of the bunker they did not know they had.

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