Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #209 · 2026-10-25

Sandra Dlamini
of Meek, Yeardley and Lomax Hedgework Partnership

an upgrade to a pantry shelf you did not know you had · unknown upgrade

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
14%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 209: Sandra Dlamini of Meek, Yeardley and Lomax Hedgework Partnership, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no survey, diary at large

“Bernard offered the front path and the bird's mood; Sandra offered a free survey of a shelf nobody has seen, and the held slot lapsed on its own.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Sandra Dlamini Sandra Dlamini, Meek, Yeardley and Lomax Hedgework Partnership. Am I speaking to the recorded owner of a pantry shelf, per policy four-one-two?
Bernard Hold on, let me turn the radio down — right, that's better. Now, the recorded owner of a what shelf? I've got a cupboard under the stairs, but I don't know as I'd call it a pantry, and I've certainly never recorded it anywhere.
Sandra Dlamini Section B, policy four-one-two. The load-rated brackets are the point — they go under a shelf whether or not you've ever laid eyes on it.
Bernard Oh, load-rated, I see. My brother-in-law was a load-rated man, drove a lorry. So these brackets go underneath a shelf I've never seen — does it matter which way round they face, or is that the sort of thing the surveyor works out on the day?
Sandra Dlamini Right, the surveyor settles that on the day. As for cost, there's nothing to pay today — the survey of that shelf is free.
Bernard Well, that's very good of you. Free is the sort of price I like. And will whoever comes out mind the front path? There's a slab out there that rocks, and I'd hate for him to go over.
Sandra Dlamini Only the visit itself would cost you nothing. Shall I book the shelf assessment now, before it goes to someone else?
Bernard Oh, now you've caught me. I'd have to look at the diary, and that's in the front room where the bird is, and he's been in a mood all morning. Can you give me a moment?
Sandra Dlamini I'll hold the slot, but policy nine says a held slot lapses in ten minutes.
Bernard Ten minutes, is it? Right you are. Only I can't find my glasses, and the diary's gone the same way. Isn't that always the road.
Sandra Dlamini Right. I'll let you get back to your afternoon. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you have reached the partnership and the shelf's recorded owner.
  2. Explain the pantry shelf upgrade: load-rated brackets for a shelf they never knew existed.
  3. Handle the obvious objection: nothing to pay today, only a survey of the unnoticed shelf.
  4. Ask for the yes: book the shelf assessment before the brackets are reallocated.

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