Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #208 · 2026-10-25

Sunita Bellhouse
of Barrowmere Interior Bureau

a membership with no savings and no discounts · membership

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
34%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 208: Sunita Bellhouse of Barrowmere Interior Bureau, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no agreement, posted anyway

“Bernard asked whether standing and prestige needs looking after like a plant; the caller opted for the post instead.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Sunita Bellhouse Sunita Bellhouse, Barrowmere Interior Bureau — and I'm ringing because this is the call you'll remember answering. Is that Bernard?
Bernard Speaking, yes. Are you warm enough where you're sitting? I've got the heating on and it's not even cold out, but there we are.
Sunita Bellhouse Warm as toast, Bernard, thank you. Now, the thing to understand about a Barrowmere membership is that it confers standing and prestige — no savings, no discounts, that's not what it's for.
Bernard Standing and prestige. Now, would that be the sort that needs a bit of looking after, like a plant, or does it just sit there?
Sunita Bellhouse That's exactly the sort of question a man of your standing asks, Bernard. It's the rarer sort — the neighbours won't have it, but they'll know you do.
Bernard Oh, I like that. And it's discreet, is it? Only Mrs. Whatsit over the back fence has a way of finding things out.
Sunita Bellhouse Discretion is the whole point — locality and quiet are what Barrowmere is built on, and Mrs. Whatsit will hear nothing from us. So, Bernard, shall I put you down for the membership?
Bernard Well, I'd have to think about it. Tell me, does it come in green? Only most things I'm offered come in a sort of brown.
Sunita Bellhouse Colour's a detail we can settle later, Bernard. I'll take it you're in, and get the membership drawn up.
Bernard Oh, that's very good of you, but hold on — I've not said yes to anything, mind. The bird's looking at me as if I have.
Sunita Bellhouse I'll send it in the post instead. Save us both the trouble. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by identifying yourself as calling from the Barrowmere Interior Bureau.
  2. Explain the Bureau's membership confers standing and prestige, not savings or discounts.
  3. Address the objection that prestige alone is worth little by invoking locality and discretion.
  4. Ask directly whether they will take the membership.

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