Call #210 · 2026-10-25
Aoife Lashley
of Petley Brothers, est. 1948
a bundle of a back step and a bag of gravel · bundle
In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.
15
Minutes on the line
11%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made
The card
The whole call in one image, made for sharing. Right-click or long-press to save it, or use the link.
The thirty seconds
Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.
The manager's note
Verdictno sale, no objection, no exit; caller closed his own file
“Bernard asked whether the gravel needed feeding; Aoife asked whether he'd like the bundle; Bernard congratulated her on Monday and mentioned the ironing board.”
The call
Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.
Aoife Lashley
Hello there, Aoife Lashley from Petley Brothers, established 1948. We've been admiring that front doorstep of yours, and we'd like a word about a matching back step.
Bernard
Oh, well, that's very good of you. Hold on a moment, the loft hatch keeps dropping on me and I'm sat under it. Now — a matching back step, you said? I've got a front one, mind, quite proud of it.
Aoife Lashley
Well, that's kind of you to say, and we're all delighted here on the floor. The back step and the gravel come as one — the step for your door, and the gravel for the step's foot, if you follow.
Bernard
The gravel for its foot. I see. Now, does the gravel need feeding, or does it just sit there looking after itself? Only I've had a bird before that needed seeing to, so I like to check.
Aoife Lashley
No feeding required, it just sits, and that's rather the point of it. Gravel handles the drainage and the grip, and gives the step something solid beneath it — which brings us to why we're calling.
Bernard
Drainage, right, that makes sense. We had a terrible lot of rain Tuesday, the garden was a pond. Now — is this the sort of thing I'd want to be ordering outright, or would I have a think first?
Aoife Lashley
That's the sort of thing you'd order outright, and I say that with the whole team behind me. Shall we put you down for the bundle, and you can rest easy knowing we've been at this since 1948?
Bernard
1948, well. I'd have been a lad then, out on my bike. Yes, I'm very interested — now, would it come in a green? Only the front door's green, and I'd like them to have a word with each other.
Aoife Lashley
That colour question I'll take to the floor myself. Being team leader as of Monday, I can push that one up the chain for you.
Bernard
Team leader as of Monday, that's grand news, congratulations. And — I'm very sorry, but my tea's gone cold and I've left the ironing board wedged behind the door somehow, so I'll let you get on. Sorry to cut you short, I really was very interested.
Aoife Lashley
Forget it. I'm putting the phone down now.
What the script said
The beats the caller had to get through.
- Open by praising their existing doorstep, then introduce the matching back step and gravel.
- Explain the two come together: step for the door, gravel for the step's foot.
- Address why gravel: drainage, grip, and the step needing something beneath it.
- Ask outright for the order, mentioning the founding year as reassurance.