Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #207 · 2026-10-25

Jean Kinsey
of Lindqvist and Sons, est. 1861

an annual inspection of a fence panel you have never used · inspection

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
34%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no panel, escalation declined

“Bernard offered the caller congratulations on her promotion; the caller handed him to a colleague instead.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Jean Kinsey Jean Kinsey, Lindqvist and Sons, established 1861. We're ringing because we handle the historic estate maintenance programme, and we'd like to talk about your fence panel.
Bernard Oh, well, now, 1861, that's older than my father would have been. Is it the gutters, then? Only I've been expecting somebody about the gutters, and I'm not sure about the panel — I don't think I've got one. What sort of panel is it, is it a big one?
Jean Kinsey Gutters aren't on our list at all, Bernard, so that's a relief for both of us. The fence panel is scheduled for its annual inspection under the historic estate maintenance programme, and that's the whole of it.
Bernard An annual inspection, is it? Well, that sounds very thorough. Now, is the panel a green one, because I've always fancied green. I had a green gate once, at the old place.
Jean Kinsey We'd note any colour at all, Bernard — that's the thoroughness of it. And if the records from 1861 look irregular, which they sometimes do, we simply inspect on the assumption the panel is there.
Bernard Ah, irregular records, that explains the business with my back step. It's lower than it looks, you know, catches me out every time. Anyway, you inspect the panel that isn't there — do I need to be in, or will it let itself in?
Jean Kinsey Ha — no, it can't let itself in, you'd need to be there. So may we go ahead and book the visit, even with the panel proving a little hard to pin down?
Bernard Well, I'd have to think about it, but I'm very interested. Would your inspector be wanting company, or does he work quietly on his own?
Jean Kinsey Quietly, usually, though he'd not say no to a cup of something. I'm team leader as of Monday, so we can put the whole floor behind this if you'd like it escalated.
Bernard Escalated, is it? That sounds a bit steep for one panel. But I'm glad for you, team leader on a Monday, that's a good start to the week.
Jean Kinsey I'll get someone else to ring you. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by referencing the firm's founding year and long-standing reputation for diligence.
  2. Explain the fence panel's scheduled annual inspection under the historic estate maintenance programme.
  3. Address the objection that no such panel exists by citing irregular record-keeping from 1861.
  4. Ask Jean to authorise the inspection visit despite the unlocatable panel.

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