Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #206 · 2026-10-25

Nigel Trimley
of Hollinsgrove Group Holdings

a replacement for the stair carpet that is not broken · needless replacement

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
34%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 206: Nigel Trimley of Hollinsgrove Group Holdings, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno survey, no tea, caller withdrew on grounds of line

“Bernard offered tea to a survey team that was never booked; caller blamed the line and hung up on his own script.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Nigel Trimley Hello there, Nigel Trimley, Hollinsgrove Group Holdings. I'm calling about your stair carpet — brilliant news about a replacement, supplied and fitted across all your locality sites.
Bernard Well, now, that's very good of you. I was just thinking about something else entirely, so you'll have to start again — what was the name of the firm?
Nigel Trimley Nigel Trimley, Hollinsgrove Group Holdings. And that's fine, starting again is brilliant. It's a replacement stair carpet, supplied and fitted across every one of your locality sites.
Bernard Hollinsgrove, that's a nice sort of name, sounds like a place with a pond. And it's a sort of carpet for the stairs, you say? I'd have to think about that, but go on — would it come in green?
Nigel Trimley Noted on the colour. The one you have isn't broken, I know, but that's rather the point — this is preventative, so nothing gets the chance to go wrong.
Bernard Oh, I see, preventative. Like the notices in the porch, in case of a fire that hasn't happened. Well, that's sensible. And would it need feeding, or is it more of a one-off sort of arrangement?
Nigel Trimley That's a good one. It's a one-off arrangement — so shall I book the survey of all your stairwells, then?
Bernard A survey, well now, that sounds very official. I'm very interested, I really am, only I'd have to see it first. The stairs are just there past the hall — would they want tea when they come?
Nigel Trimley Tea, lovely, I'll put that in the notes. So that's a yes to the survey of the stairwells, then?
Bernard Oh, well, I wouldn't say yes outright, that wouldn't be me. Let me have a look at the stairs and I'll get back to you. Now, mind the traffic going home, won't you.
Nigel Trimley I'll try again when the line's behaving. Good afternoon.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you have reached the decision-maker at Hollinsgrove Group Holdings.
  2. Explain the offer: a replacement stair carpet, supplied and fitted across your locality sites.
  3. Address the obvious objection: the existing carpet is not broken, but replacement is preventative.
  4. Ask for the yes: authorise a survey of all stairwells to schedule the replacement.

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