Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #200 · 2026-10-25

Rhys Fennimore
of Harkness Chimney Sweeping

a certificate confirming a fridge is suitable for its address · certification

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
9%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 200: Rhys Fennimore of Harkness Chimney Sweeping, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, caller handed off to colleague

“Bernard asked whether the brushes go on the fridge door; Rhys Fennimore said goodbye and passed the file.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Rhys Fennimore Bernard, Rhys Fennimore here from Harkness Chimney Sweeping. I'm ringing to confirm I've reached the registered address for the fridge, and that's you, isn't it?
Bernard Oh, the chimney sweep! I don't get many calls, so take your time. Are you the one with the brushes, or the certificates? I've got the clock in the hall running four minutes fast, so don't mind me if I'm a bit out of step.
Rhys Fennimore Both, Bernard, that's the beauty of it. The fridge suitability certificate simply declares that your fridge is fit for this address — nothing sinister, just a document stating it belongs where it stands.
Bernard Fit for the address, you say. Well, it's been standing there a good while and it's never once complained. Is it a large certificate, or the sort you could slip behind the bread bin?
Rhys Fennimore Now here's the thing, Bernard — your fridge clearly works fine, I'm not disputing that. It's the paperwork that keeps you right, and best on my floor or not, I can't file a thing that isn't there.
Bernard Oh, I'm all for paperwork, don't get me wrong. Mind you, the milk float came past this morning and its brakes made a noise like a bin lid. Would you take the certificate today, then, if I said yes?
Rhys Fennimore Bernard, I like the way you think. Shall I put you down for the certificate today at the quoted fee, then?
Bernard Well, I'd have to think about it. What was the fee again, in the imaginary sort of way? And would you want it in an envelope, or would the fridge door do?
Rhys Fennimore Forty dollars, and the door's fine, Bernard — it's imaginary money anyway. Best to just say yes and I'll get it raised.
Bernard Forty, right. And I keep thinking you said brushes earlier, so it's the brushes that go on the door, is it? Sorry, I'm a bit slow today.
Rhys Fennimore I'll get someone else to ring you. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you've reached the fridge's registered address.
  2. Explain the fridge suitability certificate and what it declares.
  3. Concede the fridge already works fine, then stress paperwork.
  4. Ask if they'll take the certificate today at the quoted fee.

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