Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #199 · 2026-10-25

Sylvia Ottley
of Sandiford and Sons, est. 1953

a bundle of a soakaway and a broom head · bundle

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
34%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 199: Sylvia Ottley of Sandiford and Sons, est. 1953, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, caller blamed the line

“Bernard asked what the soakaway was for; Sylvia read him page two. Ladder in the shed still missing a rung, and nobody sold anything.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Sylvia Ottley Hello, this is Sylvia Ottley at Sandiford and Sons, established 1953. I'm ringing about our soakaway and broom head bundle, and I have all the details in front of me.
Bernard Well, you've caught me in the middle of something, so you'll have to forgive the clatter, but carry on. Sandiford and Sons, did you say? My uncle was something in soakaways, or maybe it was sales tax.
Sylvia Ottley That's quite all right, I can wait. The bundle pairs a soakaway with a broom head, sold together as one arrangement — it's all on my sheet here, page two.
Bernard Page two, is it. Well, that's very thorough of you. Now, does the broom head come in green at all? Only the one I've got is green and I'd want them to match.
Sylvia Ottley Noted on the shade, I'll write that down. I do understand they seem unrelated, but policy eleven-B treats the soakaway and broom head as a single arrangement.
Bernard Oh, I see, a single arrangement. Like a matching pair. My late wife had a thing about matching pairs, towels and so on. Anyway — what's the soakaway for, exactly?
Sylvia Ottley Colour noted again, thank you. So — will you take the soakaway and broom head together, as the one arrangement?
Bernard Well, I'd have to think about that. Hold on, there's the ladder in the shed with a rung missing, and I keep meaning to sort it before winter. Where would you put a soakaway, in a bungalow?
Sylvia Ottley It's policy eleven-B again, I'm afraid — that's the arrangement. So, just to confirm, would you take them together?
Bernard Sylvia, love, I'm very sorry, you sound like you've had a long day of it. I was genuinely interested, but you'd best let me go and I'll have a proper think. Mind how you go now.
Sylvia Ottley I'll try again when the line's behaving. Good afternoon.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by mentioning Sandiford and Sons has dealt with soakaways since 1953.
  2. Explain the bundle pairs a soakaway with a broom head, sold as one arrangement.
  3. Address the objection that the two items are entirely unrelated.
  4. Ask directly whether they will take the soakaway and broom head together.

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