Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #2 · 2026-10-18

Gareth Mowbray
of Ashcombe Heritage Provisioning Ltd.

dental cover for dragons · specialist insurance visitor pitch

24
Minutes on the line
12%
Will to live
12
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The manager's note

Verdictquote offered, tea counter-offered, no decision

“Caller sought a quote; customer sought a cup of tea and clarification on which volcano.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Gareth Mowbray Evening, sorry to disturb you — this is Gareth Mowbray from Ashcombe Heritage Provisioning, just confirming I've got the right number for the dragon?
Bernard Oh — hello there. The dragon, yes. Well, you've got the right house, I should think, though I'd have to check the garden shed. Now — is that Ashcombe Heritage *Provisions*? Only I had a chap from a provisions place about eggs once.
Gareth Mowbray No, no — Provisioning, it's insurance for the dragon, not eggs. So, just so I've got it right, how many dragons are currently in the household?
Bernard Insurance for it — well, that's very sensible, I've always said so. How many? Just the one, I think — unless you count Mavis, but she's a parrot, she'd only be jealous. Does jealousy come into it at all?
Gareth Mowbray No, jealousy's not covered, I'm afraid. Right — our plan gives truly glowing molar and tusk cover, the sort of protection that lets a dragon bite through a lamppost with complete peace of mind.
Bernard Glowing, you say. Well, that's nice, I do like a bit of glow. Now — would the tusk cover extend to Mavis? She's got a beak rather than tusks, mind, but she's very good at the biting, all the same.
Gareth Mowbray Beaks fall outside the plan, sorry — it's strictly dragons. Now, just to be clear, fire damage during dental work isn't included, that's the one thing I have to flag.
Bernard Oh, that's the bit I'd have got wrong, so I'm glad you said. So if it breathes on the dentist while he's at it, that's not covered. Does it need feeding, this plan? Only the dragon eats a lot of coal.
Gareth Mowbray Coal's not our department, I'm afraid. But here's the good news — you'd get a two-week cooling-off period, on account of the volcanic heat involved, so nothing's rushed.
Bernard Two weeks, that's generous. Volcanic heat — is that the same volcano as the one in the garden, or a different one? Sorry, I'm getting muddled. Now, where did I put my glasses.
Gareth Mowbray Honestly, I'm not sure it matters which volcano, sir. Look — would you just like a quote anyway? I've nearly finished, it's the last thing I need.
Bernard Well, that's very good of you, yes — I'm very interested. Now, would the quote come in green at all? The dragon's particular. And would you like a cup of tea while you're at it?

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you have the right number for the dragon.
  2. Ask how many dragons are currently in the household.
  3. Describe the plan's molar and tusk cover in vague glowing terms.
  4. Clarify fire damage during dental work is not included.
  5. Offer a two-week cooling-off period, citing volcanic heat.
  6. Close by asking if they'd like a quote anyway.

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