Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #197 · 2026-10-25

Euan Pumphrey
of Cinderby Continuity Bureau

a fortnightly loft dust subscription that renews itself · renewing subscription

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
34%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, caller self-disconnected

“Bernard congratulated the caller on Monday, declined escalation, and referred the wasp and the rocking slab to other departments.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Euan Pumphrey Hello there, Euan Pumphrey here, Cinderby Continuity Bureau — and I'll say straight off, we've just made me team leader on Monday, so you're in good hands. Am I speaking with the loft's registered occupant?
Bernard Oh, congratulations on that — team leader by Monday, that's no small thing. Now then, yes, that's me, though whether the loft would agree I couldn't say. Are you warm enough where you're sitting?
Euan Pumphrey That's kind of you. Warm as anything, thank you — and since we've reached the right person, we'd like to tell you about our fortnightly dust removal, a quiet continuity service for the loft.
Bernard Fortnightly, right. And it's the loft specifically, is it, not the whole house? Only I've got a wasp in the kitchen window that's been there since goodness knows when, and I don't suppose your people do wasps.
Euan Pumphrey Loft only, I'm afraid — wasps are a different department entirely. Anyway, you're probably thinking the dust just comes back regardless, and that's just it: the convenience is that the subscription renews itself.
Bernard Renews itself, does it. Well, that sounds very handy. So it just carries on by itself, quietly, and I don't have to do a thing — is that right?
Euan Pumphrey That's exactly right. So we'd like a yes from you today, and the whole thing rolls on from there without another call — the floor here is all behind it.
Bernard Well, that's very good of you, and I'm very interested, truly. Only I'd have to sit down and think — could you hold on a moment while I look at the front path? There's a slab out there that rocks, and it's been bothering me.
Euan Pumphrey Of course, take your time — and if it would help, we can escalate this to the wider team as a kindness. Shall we say yes for now?
Bernard Oh, that's kind, but no need to escalate anybody on my account. I'll think it over properly at my own pace, and you've been very patient — mind the traffic on the way home now.
Euan Pumphrey Hello? I'm losing you. Hello?

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you have reached the loft's registered occupant.
  2. Describe the fortnightly dust removal as a quiet continuity service.
  3. Address the objection that dust returns anyway, citing self-renewal as convenience.
  4. Ask for the yes and note the renewal rolls on without further calls.

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