Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #193 · 2026-10-25

Maureen Pickles
of Ottringham Moor Dampcourse Group

a bundle of a radiator and a broom head · bundle

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
21%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 193: Maureen Pickles of Ottringham Moor Dampcourse Group, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, caller handed off to colleague

“Bernard asked whether the radiator and broom head were married; caller said they ship together, then asked for the sale twice and left.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Maureen Pickles Hello there, Maureen Pickles from Ottringham Moor Dampcourse Group. I'm just ringing to confirm I've got the right household in Ottringham Moor — brilliant, that's the first box ticked.
Bernard Oh, well, you've got the right house, yes. Only the door key sticks terribly, so I hope you're not planning on coming in. Now what was it you said you were from?
Maureen Pickles Oh that's lovely feedback, thank you! No need to come in at all. What I'm offering is the arrangement itself — one radiator and one broom head, bundled together as a single pair.
Bernard A radiator and a broom head. Oh, that's a new one on me. Do they come as a pair because they're married, like, or is one for the other?
Maureen Pickles Ha, brilliant, that's the very question everyone asks! The two items ship together as one bundle, that's simply how the arrangement is put together.
Bernard I see, I see. So no reason, they just travel together. Like the two ladies at the post office who always come in at the same time, though nobody's ever worked out why.
Maureen Pickles That's a smashing way to look at it, honestly. So shall I put you down for the radiator-and-broom-head bundle today?
Bernard Well, I'd have to think about it, but I'm very interested, mind. Would the broom head be all right in a bungalow, do you think? And does the radiator need feeding at all?
Maureen Pickles Oh, I love that, thinking it through properly. In a bungalow it's fine, and the radiator doesn't need anything of the sort. I'll be quick — can I put you down for the bundle today?
Bernard That's good of you to say. I'll tell you what, you've caught me at a good moment — I've got nothing on at all. Does it come in green?
Maureen Pickles I'll get someone else to ring you. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you have reached the right household in Ottringham Moor.
  2. Explain the arrangement: one radiator and one broom head, bundled together.
  3. Address the obvious question of why these two objects come as a pair.
  4. Ask for the yes on the radiator-and-broom-head bundle today.

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