Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #192 · 2026-10-25

Fiona Pratt
of Ncube and Daughter, est. 1902

a monthly drain survey that arrives unbidden · unbidden service

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
34%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictverbal yes, no name, no glasses, no sale

“Bernard said yes while in a good mood, then asked what the firm was called; the caller blamed the line and hung up on a yes.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Fiona Pratt Oh, hello, sorry to bother you — it's Fiona Pratt, from Ncube and Daughter, established 1902. I'm ringing about your drains, if that's all right?
Bernard Well, it's very good of you to ring, Fiona. Is it raining where you are? Only I've got washing out, and it's gone all grey here. Nineteen-oh-two, you said — that's a fair old while to be in the drain business.
Fiona Pratt Grey here too, sorry to hear about the washing. So — the monthly drain survey, that's the thing — it just arrives, as a courtesy, once a month, unbidden. That's by design, you see.
Bernard Unbidden, you say. Now, does it come through the door like a leaflet, or does somebody have to lift a cover in the path? Only I've got a cover in the path, and I'm not as nimble as I was.
Fiona Pratt Sorry, I should have said — someone comes and lifts the cover, properly, once a month. And I know nobody asked for that, that's the thing people say, and honestly it's fine to say it.
Bernard Oh, I'd have to think about that. Nobody's been near my drains since the chap with the long pole, years back. Mind you, I did ask him in for a cup of something — he had to get on, though. Would your person mind the step?
Fiona Pratt They won't mind the step at all. So shall I say yes to the first visit, this month — just to confirm?
Bernard Well, yes, I'm very interested, now what was it again — the monthly something. And would they come early doors? Only I like to be up and about by the time the radio's finished.
Fiona Pratt The monthly drain survey, that's it — and early doors is absolutely fine. I'll be quick, just to confirm — so that's a yes to starting this month?
Bernard That's very good of you. I'll say yes while I'm in a good mood — oh, now, where did I put my glasses. You go on, and I'll be right behind you. What was the firm called again?
Fiona Pratt I'll try again when the line's behaving. Good afternoon.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by invoking the firm's founding year and long-standing reputation.
  2. Explain the monthly drain survey arrives unbidden as a courtesy.
  3. Address the objection that no survey was requested or needed.
  4. Ask for the yes to begin monthly visits starting this month.

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