Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #190 · 2026-10-25

Rodney Quigley
of The Trust for the Care of Empty Lofts

an annual inspection of a loft ladder you have never used · inspection

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
21%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 190: Rodney Quigley of The Trust for the Care of Empty Lofts, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no ladder, caller hung up on himself

“Bernard offered the caller a cup of something and went to look at a hall; the caller was last heard claiming to be lost.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Rodney Quigley Rodney Quigley, Trust for the Care of Empty Lofts. Ringing about your annual ladder inspection — the one for the ladder you've never used.
Bernard The ladder, is it. Well, that's very good of you to think of it. I had the wireless on and I've lost the thread of it, so you've caught me mid-nothing, really.
Rodney Quigley Mid-nothing is where I live, Bernard. Anyway, the inspection covers that ladder you've never used — it's annual, it's thorough, that's the deal.
Bernard Thorough is what you want. Now, would that be a Tuesday sort of thorough or a Thursday one? Only I'm in most days and out on none of them.
Rodney Quigley That's a joke in there, I know it. The ladder's not being there, well, that doesn't matter — that's no obstacle to booking it.
Bernard Oh, that's a relief, because it's not there. Mind you, neither is the ironing board behind the door, not since I don't know when. Would you like a cup of something while you're about it?
Rodney Quigley I'd love a cup of something and I'd also love to not do this, so let's split the difference. Would you like the inspection done this year?
Bernard Yes, I'm very interested, I am. Now what was it again — the ladder inspection? Let me just go and look at the hall, I won't be a moment.
Rodney Quigley Take your time, the hall's not going anywhere, and neither, frankly, am I. Yes — annual ladder inspection, this year, you and me.
Bernard I'm sorry to hear it, truly. I was very interested, so thank you for ringing me.
Rodney Quigley Hello? I'm losing you. Hello?

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Introduce yourself as calling from the Trust for the Care of Empty Lofts.
  2. Explain the annual ladder inspection covers the ladder you have never used.
  3. Reassure them the ladder's absence is no obstacle to booking the inspection.
  4. Ask if they would like the inspection carried out this year.

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