Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #189 · 2026-10-25

Gillian Kowalski
of Nethercott Hearth Bureau

a replacement for a gatepost that is not broken · needless replacement

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
9%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

The whole call in one image, made for sharing. Right-click or long-press to save it, or use the link.

Share card for call 189: Gillian Kowalski of Nethercott Hearth Bureau, 15 minutes.

Save the card

The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

Download the clip (MP4, vertical) · Caption to paste

The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, caller exited unilaterally

“Bernard asked whether the gatepost comes in one piece; the caller asked whether to pencil him in; neither question was ever answered by the other.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Gillian Kowalski Evening, it's Gillian Kowalski from Nethercott Hearth Bureau. Is this the household with the gatepost at the end of the drive?
Bernard Oh, hold on, let me turn the radio down. There, that's better. Now then — the gatepost at the end of the drive, yes, that'll be mine. What can I do for you?
Gillian Kowalski Wonderful, Bernard, that's exactly what I like to hear. We keep the register of gateposts for your area, and yours has come up as due for replacement.
Bernard Well, that's very good of you to keep an eye on it. I've got a ladder in the shed I've been meaning to sort out — one rung gone, you see. But the gatepost, now, it's still standing.
Gillian Kowalski Renewing a gatepost isn't the same as mending one, Bernard — completely different jobs. Shall I put you down for the fitting, then?
Bernard Oh, I see, different jobs entirely. Well, I'd have to think about it. Does it need anything doing to it first, or does it just arrive as it is?
Gillian Kowalski It arrives ready to go, Bernard, no fuss at all. So shall I pencil you in for the fitting?
Bernard Right you are. Does it come all in one piece, or would I need to be in when it arrives?
Gillian Kowalski It turns up complete, Bernard, nothing to assemble. So shall I put your name down for it?
Bernard Honestly, Gillian, I'm sorry to hear that. I was very interested, I really was. You go on now, and mind the traffic on the way home.
Gillian Kowalski Forget it. I'm putting the phone down now.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you have reached the correct household and gatepost.
  2. Explain the Bureau registers gateposts and yours is due replacement.
  3. When told it is not broken, stress that replacement is not a repair.
  4. Ask for the go-ahead to book the gatepost replacement.

Leaderboard · All calls · ← previous · next →