Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #187 · 2026-10-25

Alan Achebe
of Trask Hearth and Home Ltd

a membership with no meetings and no savings · membership

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
34%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 187: Alan Achebe of Trask Hearth and Home Ltd, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, expressed interest, postal deferral

“Bernard asked whose standing it was and what he wasn't spending; the caller lost his place in the list and opted for the post.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Alan Achebe Hello, sorry to bother you — this is Alan Achebe from Trask Hearth and Home. I'm just ringing to check I've got the right household before I say anything else, if that's all right?
Bernard Oh, well, now, yes, you've got the right house — it's just me here, and the kettle's still warm if you fancy a cup. Are you selling, or asking? Only I like to know which of the two I'm in for.
Alan Achebe Sorry, I should have said — it's not selling exactly, it's a membership with Trask Hearth and Home. It's really a recognition of standing, and there are no meetings at all and no savings involved.
Bernard No savings, you say — well, that's a relief, I've never been much good at those. And no meetings either, so there's nothing to put in the diary, which suits me. Recognition of standing, is it? Whose standing, mostly?
Alan Achebe Sorry, that's a fair question and I'm not sure the script covers it — the thing that matters is discernment, really. People who can tell quality when it's in front of them.
Bernard Ah, discernment. I like that word — my late wife used to say I had none, but she said it fondly. Now, would this discernment of yours need feeding? Only there's a bird in the front room, and things in this house tend to get eaten.
Alan Achebe That's probably obvious, sorry. Can I just take a yes from you, and I'll keep it quick?
Bernard Yes — well, yes, I'm very interested, put me down as interested. Now, what was the figure on the renewal? Only I like to know what I'm not spending.
Alan Achebe Honestly, I've lost my place in the list and I'm not doing this right. Let me just post it to you instead, and you can read it at your own pace.
Bernard I'm sorry to hear that, you were doing very well. I was very interested, mind. You get yourself off home now, and mind the traffic.
Alan Achebe I'll send it in the post instead. Save us both the trouble. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you have reached the householder, not selling yet.
  2. Describe the membership as recognition of standing, no meetings, no savings.
  3. Turn aside the question of what it includes by praising discernment.
  4. Ask for the yes and mention the renewal quietly at the close.

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