Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #184 · 2026-10-25

Gordon Kinsey
of Sandiford and Sons, est. 1846

an annual inspection of a boiler you have never used · inspection

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
38%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

The whole call in one image, made for sharing. Right-click or long-press to save it, or use the link.

Share card for call 184: Gordon Kinsey of Sandiford and Sons, est. 1846, 15 minutes.

Save the card

The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

Download the clip (MP4, vertical) · Caption to paste

The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, caller withdrew under own steam

“Bernard offered to leave the back door open for an inspection of a boiler he has never used; Gordon Kinsey rang off to ring back another day.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Gordon Kinsey Gordon Kinsey, Sandiford and Sons, est. 1846. It's about your boiler.
Bernard Oh, hello there. Sorry, I'm in the cupboard under the stairs, hunting for a torch — the landing carpet's come up at the edge and I keep tripping on the stair rod. Sandiford's, did you say? Founded eighteen forty-six, that's a fair old while. What's this about a boiler?
Gordon Kinsey Under the stairs, right, well, the boiler's the thing. Annual inspection, it's for your records, that's all it is.
Bernard For my records, is it? Well, that's very good of you. I've never actually used the boiler, mind — it sits there like an ornament. Would that make a difference to your inspection?
Gordon Kinsey That's the bit people always ask. Unused boilers still count, it's the record that matters.
Bernard The record, right you are. Oh — hold on, the torch has gone and rolled off somewhere. Now then, an inspection of a boiler I've never touched. Would it want feeding, do you think, or does it just sit there quietly of its own accord?
Gordon Kinsey No, it just sits there. So do I put you down for a date?
Bernard Well, I'd have to think about it, but yes, I'm very interested. Now, what was it again you'd be inspecting? And would I need to be in, or could you let yourself round the back?
Gordon Kinsey Look, I'll ring you back another day. Thanks, Mr Pottle.
Bernard Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Well, you've been very good to ring at all — I did enjoy it. Mind how you go, then.
Gordon Kinsey I'll ring you back another day. Bye now.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by mentioning the firm's founding year and your long-standing relationship.
  2. Explain the annual boiler inspection you are offering for their records.
  3. Address that they have never used it: inspection covers unused boilers too.
  4. Ask for the yes: book the inspection date now.

Leaderboard · All calls · ← previous · next →