Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #183 · 2026-10-25

Wendy Balogun
of The Institute of Registered Garden Gate Surveyors

a bundle of a hedge and a tin of paint · bundle

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
14%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

The whole call in one image, made for sharing. Right-click or long-press to save it, or use the link.

Share card for call 183: Wendy Balogun of The Institute of Registered Garden Gate Surveyors, 15 minutes.

Save the card

The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

Download the clip (MP4, vertical) · Caption to paste

The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, caller resigned mid-pitch

“Bernard asked whether the tin would mind the draught; the caller admitted nobody was ever going to say yes to a hedge and a tin.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Wendy Balogun Hello, sorry to bother you, this is Wendy Balogun from The Institute of Registered Garden Gate Surveyors. I'm ringing about your gate, if that's all right.
Bernard Oh, hello, a gate. I'm the one all right, I'm the keeper of it, I suppose. Now then, what was it you were saying about it? I had my glasses down somewhere and I've missed the first bit.
Wendy Balogun No, that's completely fine, my fault for rushing. So the hedge, you see, grows up to survey the gap, and the paint marks it compliant. Sorry, does that make sense?
Bernard A hedge that grows up by itself to do the surveying. That's clever, that is. Does it need much looking after, or does it just quietly get on with it?
Wendy Balogun That's a good question, and honestly I'm not sure I have that in front of me. But, um, the thing is, surveyors always supply both, the hedge and the tin, since neither works alone.
Bernard Well, that's sensible, the two of them together. Would the hedge be all right in a bungalow, though? Only I've never had anything tall in the front, and I'd worry about it.
Wendy Balogun Bungalow, right, yes. Sorry, I don't think that's covered either. But, um, I'll be quick, will you take the hedge-and-tin arrangement, just to confirm?
Bernard Oh, now, that's very good of you to offer. I'd have to think about it, mind. Would the tin be all right sat out in the hall, do you think, or would it mind the draught from the door?
Wendy Balogun I really don't know, I'm sorry. I've only been here three weeks and nothing tells me where the tin goes. Honestly, I don't think anyone's ever going to say yes to a hedge and a tin, are they.
Bernard I'm sorry to hear that, I really am. I was very interested, you know. You get yourself home safe, and mind the traffic.
Wendy Balogun Hello? I'm losing you. Hello?

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you have reached the registered keeper of the gate.
  2. Explain the hedge grows to survey the gap, paint marks it compliant.
  3. Answer that surveyors always supply both, since neither works alone.
  4. Ask for the yes: will they take the hedge-and-tin arrangement?

Leaderboard · All calls · ← previous · next →