Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #180 · 2026-10-24

Femi Bramble
of Garrowby Hearth Bureau

a certificate confirming a clothesline is in daily use · certification

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
22%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 180: Femi Bramble of Garrowby Hearth Bureau, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

Download the clip (MP4, vertical) · Caption to paste

The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, ladder disclosed

“Bernard asked if the certificate came in green; the caller offered to post it instead and hung up on his own offer.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Femi Bramble Oh, hello, sorry to bother you. It's Femi Bramble, from Garrowby Hearth Bureau, just a quick call about a certificate, if that's all right?
Bernard Oh, a certificate. Yes, go on then. I'm very interested, now what was it again?
Femi Bramble Right, yes, sorry, I should have said. The Bureau issues certificates confirming a clothesline is in daily use, that's the whole thing really.
Bernard A clothesline, you say. Well, that's very good of you. Does it come in green, at all?
Femi Bramble Green, I don't, I'm not sure there's a colour as such. It just states on paper what your clothesline already does, nothing changes on your end, honestly.
Bernard Paper's fine by me. Mine's out there most days, weather permitting. Would it need anything from me, or does it just sit there being a certificate?
Femi Bramble No, nothing from you at all, it simply states what the clothesline already does. So, would you accept the certificate today?
Bernard Well, I'd have to think about it. Oh — hold on, there's a ladder in the shed with a rung missing, do you think that matters for any of this?
Femi Bramble Sorry, that's me repeating myself. It's just a simple confirmation, nothing more, and I'd still like to know if you'll take it today.
Bernard You're very patient with me. I'm sorry, I don't think I can say yes today. I was very interested, mind.
Femi Bramble I'll send it in the post instead. Save us both the trouble. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming they are the householder at the locality address.
  2. Explain the Bureau issues certificates confirming clotheslines are in daily use.
  3. Reassure that the certificate simply states what their clothesline already does.
  4. Ask whether they will accept the certificate today.

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