Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #177 · 2026-10-24

Siobhan Kinsey
of Lindqvist Hedgework and Son

a annual garden gravel subscription that renews itself · renewing subscription

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
38%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

The whole call in one image, made for sharing. Right-click or long-press to save it, or use the link.

Share card for call 177: Siobhan Kinsey of Lindqvist Hedgework and Son, 15 minutes.

Save the card

The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

Download the clip (MP4, vertical) · Caption to paste

The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, no exit

“Bernard asked whether gravel needs feeding, then whether it would be all right in a bungalow; Siobhan rang off before the slope question.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Siobhan Kinsey Hello, Bernard? Siobhan Kinsey here, from Lindqvist Hedgework and Son. I'm ringing about the gravel beds we have on file for you — I've got the full history in front of me.
Bernard Oh, hello there. Gravel beds, you say — well, I've got a letter about the hedge somewhere, I think it's from the council, but that's hedges, not gravel. You've got the wrong end of the stick, haven't you? Or have I? Say it again, slowly.
Siobhan Kinsey No, gravel's quite separate from hedges, that's a different department entirely. The annual gravel subscription means fresh gravel delivered each year, and it renews automatically — page four of the policy, if you'd like the reference.
Bernard Fresh gravel every year. Well, that's very good of you. Does it come in a sack, or does somebody tip it out? Only I've got a path out the back that's gone a bit thin, and I wouldn't want it all arriving at once.
Siobhan Kinsey Sacks versus loose isn't my department, I'm afraid, but on the renewal — policy fifteen-b — it's smooth, no need to remember it or reorder. Which brings me nicely to asking: shall I start the annual subscription today?
Bernard Oh, now you've lost me at fifteen-b. Is that fifteen or fifty? My father always said the fifties were the ones to watch. Anyway, tell me — does it need feeding, this gravel, or does it just sit there?
Siobhan Kinsey Gravel just sits there, Bernard, it's very low-maintenance. So — can I put you down to start the subscription today?
Bernard Well, I'd like that, I would. But you've caught me with my glasses on the hall table, and I can never read a thing without them. Hold on a tick, would you?
Siobhan Kinsey That's quite all right, take your time — but it's really just a yes or no. Shall I start the annual subscription?
Bernard That's the trouble, isn't it. I'd have to think about it, and I'm a slow thinker at my age. Would it be all right in a bungalow, do you think? I've got it in my head that these things need a bit of a slope.
Siobhan Kinsey I'll ring you back another day. Bye now.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by naming the gravel beds Lindqvist Hedgework and Son has on file.
  2. Explain the annual gravel subscription: fresh gravel each year, renewed automatically as a convenience.
  3. Address the objection: renewal is smooth, no need to remember or reorder.
  4. Ask for the yes to start the annual gravel subscription today.

Leaderboard · All calls · ← previous · next →