Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #176 · 2026-10-24

Audrey Mowbray
of Cinderby Property Bureau

a monthly boiler service that arrives unbidden · unbidden service

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
21%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 176: Audrey Mowbray of Cinderby Property Bureau, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, caller hung up on himself

“Bernard asked whether the boiler man would come before or after the bird feeder; Audrey said she could do the script asleep, then reported she was losing him.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Audrey Mowbray Audrey Mowbray, Cinderby Property Bureau, and this is about local boiler matters.
Bernard Oh, right, yes — hold on, let me turn the radio down. There we are. Boiler matters, you said? Now, is that boiler or bowler, because my uncle had a bowler and it never needed seeing to once.
Audrey Mowbray Boiler, yes. So the monthly visits come round automatically, every month, and we just pop in and see to things — it's a courtesy, really.
Bernard Well that's very good of you. Every month, you say? Do I need to be in, or would you let yourselves in? Only I'm often out in the garden, so I might miss you at the door.
Audrey Mowbray Nobody asked for it, I know, but that's the thing — the whole street gets it, it's just how the provision works round here.
Bernard Ah, the whole street. Well, that makes more sense. Is it the bowler street as well, or just ours? Only Mrs next door, she'd want to know, she's very particular about what comes down her path.
Audrey Mowbray It's all of it, every property. So if I can just get your agreement to keep the visits scheduled as standard, that's the whole thing done.
Bernard Oh, well, now — I'd have to think about that. When you say standard, do you mean the usual sort? I'm not sure I know what the usual sort is. Would they come before or after the bird feeder gets done?
Audrey Mowbray Honestly, I've said this so often today I could do it asleep. Keep it or don't, it's all the same to me, and I'll just—
Bernard I'm sorry to hear that. You sound worn out, and you've been very good to explain it all. I was very interested, truly.
Audrey Mowbray Hello? I'm losing you. Hello?

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Introduce yourself as calling from the Cinderby Property Bureau on local boiler matters.
  2. Explain the monthly service visits automatically, presented as a courtesy, not a request.
  3. Address the objection that nobody asked for it by framing it as locality-wide routine provision.
  4. Ask for agreement to keep the visits scheduled as standard.

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