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Call #175 · 2026-10-24

Nigel Cresswell
of The Sanderby Hatch Trust

an annual inspection of a drain you have never used · inspection

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
14%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 175: Nigel Cresswell of The Sanderby Hatch Trust, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no address, caller self-released

“Caller lost the booking, the address and the drain in that order, then left Bernard to his fence panel.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Nigel Cresswell Hello there, Nigel Cresswell from Sanderby Hatch. I'm ringing about your annual drain inspection.
Bernard A drain, you say? Oh, well, that's very good of you. I don't think I've got one of those, but I'd have to think. What was it again — an annual drain *inscription*?
Nigel Cresswell Ha, brilliant, a drain inscription, I like that. No, inspection, an annual inspection. It covers a drain on your property, all very straightforward.
Bernard Inspection, right, yes. Well, I'm very interested. Now, would it come in a little van, or would somebody have to climb down? Only I've got a fence panel the dog leans on, and he's fussy about visitors.
Nigel Cresswell The van bit's the easy bit, so no need to fret about the dog. Now, the thing is, nobody's sure where this drain even is, and honestly that's all the more reason to have it looked at, wouldn't you say?
Bernard Oh, all the more reason, absolutely — I like the way you think. So they'd come and hunt it out for me, then. Would that take long, do you reckon?
Nigel Cresswell That's just it, they find it and inspect it, all in one go. So, can I put you down for the yes and book the inspection at your address?
Bernard Well now, that's tempting. But I'd have to have a proper think before I say yes to anything. Tell me — is it a young lad they send, or someone who's been at it a while?
Nigel Cresswell Honestly, I've lost where I was with the booking and the address bit, and the drain, and the finding of it. I think I'll just leave you to your fence panel, Bernard.
Bernard Ah, that's a shame — I was very interested, truly I was. Sorry to hear it, Nigel. You mind how you go now.
Nigel Cresswell Forget it. I'm putting the phone down now.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by asking whether the drain has been inspected this year.
  2. Explain the annual inspection covers a drain on their property.
  3. Dismiss the objection that no drain is known: all the more reason.
  4. Ask for the yes to book the inspection at the address.

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