Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #174 · 2026-10-24

Beverley Gopal
of Bellhouse Chimney Sweeping Services

an upgrade to a soakaway you did not know you had · unknown upgrade

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
24%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 174: Beverley Gopal of Bellhouse Chimney Sweeping Services, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, caller stood down

“Bernard offered the caller a sandwich and asked whether the soakaway would need feeding; the caller asked him to say yes and Bernard asked what he was meant to say.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Beverley Gopal Beverley Gopal, Bellhouse Chimney Sweeping. We swept your chimney lately and I noticed water pooling near the wall — that's why I'm on the line.
Bernard Oh, have you had your lunch? Only I've just done myself a sandwich and there's more than I can manage. Water pooling, you say — was that by the shed? I've got a bucket under that roof, it's been like that since the spring.
Beverley Gopal That's the one, Bernard — and here's the good part. The soakaway upgrade is a simple drainage improvement you're already sitting qualified for, no fuss at all.
Bernard A soakaway. Now then — would that be the green sort? I'm very keen on green, the front room's mostly green. And would it need feeding? Only I had a pond years ago and it took a lot of looking after, that did.
Beverley Gopal No feeding, Bernard, nothing like a pond. The sweep records show a soakaway on your property — it's all in the file from when we were out.
Bernard Well, that's very good of you. The thing is, I can't recall a soakaway at all, but then I can't recall where I put my glasses either, and they turned up in the bread bin. Was it the Tuesday you came? Or the Thursday.
Beverley Gopal Tuesday, Bernard — and since you qualify, shall I just put you down for the upgrade while we're already in your area? Say yes and it's done.
Bernard Oh, well, I'd have to think about it, I don't like to rush these things. Hang on a moment, there's the loft hatch trying to fall on my head again. Sorry, what was it you wanted me to say?
Beverley Gopal Bernard, it's Beverley. I'll be honest with you — this one's not happening, is it.
Bernard I'm sorry to hear that, I really am — I was very interested, you know. You take care now, and mind the traffic on the way home.
Beverley Gopal Right. I'll let you get back to your afternoon. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you swept their chimney and noticed water pooling nearby.
  2. Explain the soakaway upgrade: a simple drainage improvement they already qualify for.
  3. Address the objection that they never knew they had a soakaway by citing the sweep records.
  4. Ask for the yes to schedule the upgrade while you are already in the area.

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