Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #171 · 2026-10-24

Adebayo Thripp
of Pettigrew Domestic Ltd

a certificate confirming a radiator is in daily use · certification

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
34%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 171: Adebayo Thripp of Pettigrew Domestic Ltd, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no certificate, no asking people

“Bernard asked whether the certificate would cover the airing cupboard; caller confirmed the cupboard is a separate line not on today.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Adebayo Thripp Good afternoon, it's Adebayo Thripp from Pettigrew Domestic Ltd. We're ringing about a certificate for your radiator — proof it's in daily use.
Bernard Oh, hello there. Now then, who gave you this number? Only I don't get many calls, so I like to know where they come from.
Adebayo Thripp Couldn't say offhand, that's the list's business rather than mine. What matters is the certificate — us at Pettigrew will put in writing that the radiator's in daily use.
Bernard A certificate, is it? Well, that's very good of you. Now, would it come framed, or is it more of a loose sort of thing you'd keep in a drawer?
Adebayo Thripp We can escalate the framing question for you, that's no bother. But I'll be quick — the point is the certificate itself, and whether you'll have it today.
Bernard Oh, today. Well, I'd have to think about it. Tell me, would it say anything about the airing cupboard as well, or is it strictly the radiator? It's ever so warm in there.
Adebayo Thripp I've just taken over as team leader on Monday, so we're getting our paperwork straight as a floor. The certificate covers the radiator and nothing else — the cupboard's a separate line we're not on today.
Bernard Monday, you say? That's quick work, well done you. So it's the radiator and that's the lot — but I know it's on, you see. I can feel it from here.
Adebayo Thripp We hear that a lot. But the paper isn't for your benefit — it's for whoever asks you to prove it.
Bernard Ah, for the asking people. Well, nobody's ever asked me yet, but I suppose there's a first time. Would I need to keep it somewhere safe, like?
Adebayo Thripp I'll try again when the line's behaving. Good afternoon.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Introduce yourself and Pettigrew Domestic Ltd by name.
  2. Offer a certificate confirming their radiator is in daily use.
  3. Address the objection that they already know it is on.
  4. Ask if they will accept the certificate today.

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