Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #169 · 2026-10-24

Lorraine Achebe
of The Fenwick Row Trust

a twice a year, whether or not boiler service that arrives unbidden · unbidden service

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
22%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 169: Lorraine Achebe of The Fenwick Row Trust, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, no exit, line dead

“Bernard agreed to a diary entry, asked its colour, offered tea to a caller not at the door; caller reported losing a signal that was never there.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Lorraine Achebe Hello, sorry to bother you at home — it's Lorraine Achebe from The Fenwick Row Trust, and I'm ringing about your boiler service, if that's all right?
Bernard Oh, hello there. Yes, I'm warm enough, thank you — are you? You're sitting somewhere cold, I can hear it in your voice. A boiler, you said?
Lorraine Achebe That's very kind of you to ask. Yes, well, the trust does a service — twice a year, whether or not you've asked for it, comes round unbidden, as a courtesy.
Bernard Well, that's very good of you. Twice a year, now — and does it mind being left on its own, between times? Only I'm out in the garden a fair bit.
Lorraine Achebe It's on our records from before you moved in, so the visits were already arranged. Shall I put the next one down for you?
Bernard Oh, from before I moved in — that'll be from the previous lady. She was fond of a meringue, I remember that much. Yes, put it down, if you must. Was it a Thursday, do you think?
Lorraine Achebe That's a yes, then — I'll mark the next visit down. Can I just confirm you'd like to keep the boiler serviced with us?
Bernard Oh, I'd have to think about it, really. But you carry on and mark it — no harm in a mark. Would you like a cup of tea while you're at it?
Lorraine Achebe You're very kind, but I'm not actually at your door. I'll put the next visit in the diary, shall I?
Bernard Oh, not at the door. No, of course not, the phone doesn't work like that, does it. Well, I'd have to think, but you put it in the diary and I'll not say no to it. What colour's the diary?
Lorraine Achebe Hello? I'm losing you. Hello?

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by thanking them for their time and confirming the address.
  2. Explain the twice-yearly boiler service that arrives unbidden as a courtesy.
  3. Address the objection that they never asked for it by citing the trust's records.
  4. Ask them to confirm the next visit and keep the boiler serviced.

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