Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #166 · 2026-10-24

Janet Fennimore
of The Institute of Back Step Assessors

a membership with no cover and no discounts · membership

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
21%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 166: Janet Fennimore of The Institute of Back Step Assessors, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, no exit, closed in writing

“Bernard asked whether the prestige came with a certificate for his empty frame; the caller apologised for the question and then apologised for the fee.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Janet Fennimore Oh, hello — Janet Fennimore, The Institute of Back Step Assessors. Sorry to be a nuisance, this is about your Institute membership.
Bernard Well, hello Janet, that's very good of you to ring. Now before you start — is this the one about the gutters? Only there's a drain by my gate that gurgles something dreadful, and I never know who's meant to see to it.
Janet Fennimore No, no, nothing to do with drains, I promise. It's just that membership confers nothing at all — it simply signals that you belong.
Bernard Nothing at all? Well, that's honest of you, I like that. Belong to what, exactly — is it a club with a room, or more of a name on a list sort of belonging?
Janet Fennimore More of a name on a list, really — oh, sorry, I know that sounds thin. But people do say the prestige alone is worth it, and I'm told that's the proper answer.
Bernard Prestige, right. And would that go on a certificate, do you think? Only I've a nice frame in the hall with nothing in it, and it seems a shame.
Janet Fennimore I honestly don't know about certificates, I'm sorry — I'm quite new to this. So, just to confirm, can I put you down for the membership?
Bernard Oh, well, now — I'd have to think about it. There was a letter from the council about the hedge that I've not opened, and I'm wondering if this is the same sort of thing. What was the sum again?
Janet Fennimore The fee is sixty dollars, and I should say it's non-refundable. Sorry, is that the bit that puts you off?
Bernard Sixty, right. That's not bad at all — my nephew's birthday is in, oh, it's the sixth, no, the ninth, and I always get that muddled. But it's not a lot, is it, sixty.
Janet Fennimore I'll send it in the post instead. Save us both the trouble. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming the call is about Institute membership, not accreditation.
  2. Explain that membership confers nothing, it simply signals you belong.
  3. Address the objection that nothing is included by citing prestige alone.
  4. Ask for the yes and confirm the membership fee is non-refundable.

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