Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #164 · 2026-10-24

Nadia Odgers
of Calderby Reach Continuity Bureau

a bundle of a drain and a length of hose · bundle

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
34%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 164: Nadia Odgers of Calderby Reach Continuity Bureau, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, caller exited via the line

“Bernard asked whether the bundle needed feeding; the caller confirmed the set travels together and blamed the line.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Nadia Odgers Hello there, Nadia Odgers here from the Calderby Reach Continuity Bureau, and I'm ringing with a rather brilliant little arrangement — a drain and a length of hose, together as one bundle!
Bernard A drain and a hose, together? Well, that's very good of you. Do they come as a matching pair, or is it more the one sort of follows the other about?
Nadia Odgers Ha, brilliant, I love that — they travel as a set, you see, one drain and one length of hose, all together in the bundle. It's ever such a tidy arrangement.
Bernard Tidy, yes. Now then, would the hose mind very much being kept indoors? Only my front room gets a bit of damp in February, and I like to think things settle in.
Nadia Odgers That's lovely feedback, thank you — and yes, indoors is fine, they're a pair, so where one goes the other's happy to follow. I'll be quick, it's just the two items and they do come together.
Bernard Where one goes the other follows — like the squirrel at my feeder, that one. Sorry, go on. You were saying about the two items coming along nicely?
Nadia Odgers They do, they come along nicely — one drain, one length of hose, dispatched as a set, all in the bundle. So just to confirm, shall I get that sent out to you?
Bernard Well, I'd have to think about it. Does the bundle need feeding at all? The squirrel's the only thing I feed round here and he's very particular.
Nadia Odgers So shall I pop the bundle out to you, then? One drain, one hose, travelling as a set.
Bernard You're very patient with me. I've gone and misplaced my reading glasses, is the thing. Now what was it I'd be getting — the drain, or the other one?
Nadia Odgers I'll try again when the line's behaving. Good afternoon.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Introduce yourself as calling from the Calderby Reach Continuity Bureau.
  2. Explain the arrangement: one drain and one length of hose, together.
  3. Address the objection that drains and hoses are unrelated items.
  4. Ask for the yes to dispatch the bundle.

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