Call #157 · 2026-10-24
Gordon Finch
of Thursby Lound Domestic Bureau
a bundle of a greenhouse and a padlock · bundle
In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.
15
Minutes on the line
34%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made
The card
The whole call in one image, made for sharing. Right-click or long-press to save it, or use the link.
The thirty seconds
Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.
The manager's note
Verdictno sale, no objection, caller withdrew on line quality
“Caller ended it himself and blamed the line; Bernard had asked whether the greenhouse would mind a bird.”
The call
Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.
Gordon Finch
Good afternoon, Gordon Finch here, Thursby Lound Domestic Bureau. I'm ringing about that glasshouse and lock arrangement — is that you?
Bernard
You're very clear, I'll say that for you. Gordon, yes, that's me, Bernard. Now the greenhouse — is it the glass sort or the plastic sort?
Gordon Finch
Bernard, they come as a single dispatch — the one structure and the one lock, together, no separating them. That's how the arrangement is put out.
Bernard
Oh, together, I see. And would it be all right in a garden with a milk float going past at five in the morning? Only the brakes on that thing are something awful.
Gordon Finch
The milk float's no concern of ours, Bernard — but the thing people ask me, and I'll tell you straight, is whether they can have just the growing side on its own. They can't.
Bernard
Well that's a pity, I'd only want the growing half really. Though I daresay the other half earns its keep. Would it mind a bird?
Gordon Finch
Bernard, it's the full kit or none of it — that's simply how it's supplied. Give me the yes and I'll send the pair out.
Bernard
Well, I'd have to think about it. Oh — hold on, before I forget, is it your turn or mine for Christmas this year? I keep getting that wrong.
Gordon Finch
I'll be honest with you, Bernard — the line's been poor all afternoon and I've lost my place twice. I'm going to leave it there; good day to you.
Bernard
I'm sorry to hear that, I really am — I was very interested, you know. Mind the traffic going home.
Gordon Finch
I'll try again when the line's behaving. Good afternoon.
What the script said
The beats the caller had to get through.
- Open by confirming you have reached the householder about the greenhouse and padlock arrangement.
- Explain the greenhouse and padlock are supplied together as one indivisible unit.
- Address the objection that only the greenhouse is wanted by noting the padlock cannot be separated.
- Ask for the yes to dispatch the combined greenhouse and padlock.
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