Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #156 · 2026-10-24

Fergus Thripp
of Kinsey, Oyelaran and Ottley Wall Coatings Partnership

an annual inspection of a side gate you have never used · inspection

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
34%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 156: Fergus Thripp of Kinsey, Oyelaran and Ottley Wall Coatings Partnership, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no gate, caller lost his place and his lead

“Bernard offered to wait while Fergus found his place in the list; Fergus found the door instead, and rang off before either could be located.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Fergus Thripp Hello there, Fergus Thripp here from Kinsey, Oyelaran and Ottley Wall Coatings Partnership, and I'm ringing because our records have your side gate down as uninspected — brilliant, isn't it?
Bernard Oh, hello there. You've caught me in the middle of something — I was just up in the loft, there's a mouse lives in the insulation and I like to keep an eye on him. But carry on, carry on. A side gate, did you say?
Fergus Thripp A mouse in the loft, that's lovely feedback, thank you for that. So the annual inspection covers a gate that's never used or, in your case, can't be located — that's the beauty of it.
Bernard Well, that's very thorough of you. I'm not sure I've ever laid eyes on a side gate, but I've no doubt it's out there somewhere, doing its job. Now — the inspection, what does it, what does one actually look at?
Fergus Thripp Wonderful question, really brilliant. Now, since you can't find it, we'd be delighted to inspect the gate's absence for you, annually — we look very closely at where it isn't.
Bernard Where it isn't. Well, I suppose that's a fair bit of ground to cover. Would it need me to be there, or do you just sort of... look at the gap on your own?
Fergus Thripp The gap entirely on our own, that's the whole appeal. So if you'd just approve the inspection of that missing gate now, we can get it on the books.
Bernard Oh, I'd have to think about that one. But you sound like you've been at this all day — are you keeping well?
Fergus Thripp Keeping very well, thank you, that's kind. Though I'll be honest, this is my ninth gate of the afternoon and I've lost my place in the list twice — sorry, where was I?
Bernard I'm sorry to hear that — I was very interested, mind, but you go and find your place. You take care now.
Fergus Thripp I'll ring you back another day. Bye now.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you have their side gate on file as uninspected.
  2. Explain the annual inspection covers a gate never used or located.
  3. Concede they cannot find it; offer to inspect the gate's absence annually.
  4. Ask them to approve the inspection of the missing gate now.

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