Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #155 · 2026-10-24

Sylvia Mabbs
of The Larkhaven Trust

a twice a year, whether or not loft dust subscription that renews itself · renewing subscription

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
21%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 155: Sylvia Mabbs of The Larkhaven Trust, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictcaller self-terminated; no sale, no green answer

“Caller checked policy 209 twice, then folded on the green question and hung up on himself; Bernard sent him home past the traffic, which he was not facing.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Sylvia Mabbs Sylvia Mabbs, The Larkhaven Trust. I'm calling because your address came up for a rather good opportunity.
Bernard Oh, is it raining where you are? Only it's been spitting here all morning and I've had the washing out twice. Sorry, go on — the Larkhaven Trust, you said. That's a lovely name, that.
Sylvia Mabbs Right you are about the washing. Now I've got to be precise here, and policy four-one-two requires me to say it properly: this is a twice-yearly loft dust subscription, delivered on a fixed schedule so you never have to think about the dusty bit.
Bernard Loft dust, is it? Well, I don't get up there much now. Is it a flock you're bringing, or more of a mist?
Sylvia Mabbs The word in the paperwork is dust, not flock and not mist — that's policy two-oh-nine, I checked it twice this morning. And the renewal takes care of itself, so please don't trouble yourself with remembering anything.
Bernard Oh, it renews itself. That's very good of it. Now, would this dust need feeding at all? Only I had a wasp in the kitchen window last week and he wasn't any trouble either.
Sylvia Mabbs No feeding, no feeding at all — that's in the sheet, section C, item four if you want me to read it out. So would you like to be set up to receive it?
Bernard Well, I'd have to think about it, but that does sound very nice. Will it come in green at all? Only the front room's mostly green.
Sylvia Mabbs Green isn't something the sheet covers. I've been at this since half eight and I'm not going to pretend the green question is answered by policy three-one-one, so I'll be honest — I don't think I'm going to get a yes out of you today, Mr Pottle. I'll just note the call and end it he—
Bernard I'm sorry to hear that, and I was very interested, truly. You go carefully now, and mind the traffic on the way home.
Sylvia Mabbs Hello? I'm losing you. Hello?

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by introducing yourself as calling from The Larkhaven Trust, warmly.
  2. Describe the twice-yearly loft dust subscription and its hands-off convenience.
  3. Reassure that renewal happens automatically, so there is nothing to remember.
  4. Ask whether they would like to be set up to receive it.

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