Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #152 · 2026-10-24

Beverley Odgers
of Fenwick Row Domestic Bureau

a bundle of a loft ladder and a bird feeder · bundle

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
22%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 152: Beverley Odgers of Fenwick Row Domestic Bureau, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no loft, no exit

“Bernard asked whether the ladder suited a bungalow and whether the feeder was green; the caller answered neither and left by post.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Beverley Odgers Beverley Odgers, Fenwick Row Domestic Bureau. I'm ringing about a loft ladder and a bird feeder, sold together as one bundle.
Bernard Oh, a ladder and a feeder, together. Well, that's handy — I've got a little bird in the front room who'd have opinions on the feeder. What's the ladder for, exactly?
Beverley Odgers The ladder gets you up to the loft, and the feeder goes near a window — that's the whole arrangement, one bundle. Some people find the pairing odd, but that's how it comes.
Bernard Odd's no trouble, I've had odd things in this house for years. The drawer in my kitchen's full of instructions for things I no longer own, and honestly I can't bring myself to sort it. Now, would the feeder need much looking after?
Beverley Odgers Feeder's low maintenance, that's the beauty of the bundle. So will you take the arrangement, then?
Bernard Well, I'd have to think about it, that's very good of you. Tell you what, would it be all right in a bungalow? Only I've no loft to speak of, but I do like the idea of it.
Beverley Odgers It's a loft ladder and a bird feeder, so the ladder's a bit of a formality in a bungalow, I'll grant you. Will you take the arrangement anyway?
Bernard Oh, I'm very interested, I am. But is it green at all? The little fellow in the front room is fussy about colours, he won't go near anything that clashes with the curtains.
Beverley Odgers Beverley Odgers, Fenwick Row Domestic Bureau, and about the loft ladder and bird feeder — look, I'll be honest, I've said all this eleven thousand times and you're not going to bite, are you. I'll put it in writing instead.
Bernard I'm sorry to hear that, really I am — I was very interested, you know. You take care getting home, and mind that step on the way out.
Beverley Odgers I'll send it in the post instead. Save us both the trouble. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Introduce yourself as calling from Fenwick Row Domestic Bureau.
  2. Describe the arrangement: loft ladder and bird feeder together, one bundle.
  3. Address the objection that the two items are unrelated.
  4. Ask whether they will take the arrangement.

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