Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #146 · 2026-10-23

Roy Thripp
of Faleolo Glazing Services

a twice a year, whether or not garden gravel subscription that renews itself · renewing subscription

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
22%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, gravel declined on sister's advice

“Bernard offered his name, then his sister, then a bird; the caller offered a sandwich and left.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Roy Thripp Roy Thripp, Faleolo Glazing. Ringing about your garden gravel, because apparently that's my life now.
Bernard Oh, have you had your lunch? Only I've just had a bit of cheese on toast and I'm wondering whether I should have another. Garden gravel, you said — I'm very interested, now what was it again?
Roy Thripp Had a sandwich at my desk, thanks. So the twice-yearly gravel top-up just arrives on its own, whether or not you actually need any.
Bernard Well, that's very good of you. Does it need feeding, this top-up, or does it just get on with it? Only I had a bird once that needed more looking after than the gravel, I expect.
Roy Thripp It doesn't eat, no. The whole point is you never have to order the stuff — it just comes, twice a year, and you never think about it again.
Bernard Never having to think about it does sound restful. I did have to think about the washing line this morning — one peg's gone and I can't find another. Anyway, twice a year, you said. Is that the spring and the autumn, or the other way round?
Roy Thripp Spring and autumn, yes. So shall I put you down for it? It renews itself twice a year, quietly, and you never have to do a thing.
Bernard You can put my name down, I'd like that. Only I'd want a word with my sister first — she's hosting the Christmas this year, I think. What was the arrangement again, twice a year?
Roy Thripp Twice a year, renews itself, no ordering. Look, I'll be straight with you — this one's not happening, is it. I'll leave you to your sister.
Bernard Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I was very interested, truly. You mind the traffic on the way home now.
Roy Thripp Right. I'll let you get back to your afternoon. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by saying you are Roy Thripp, Faleolo Glazing, calling about their garden gravel.
  2. Explain the twice-yearly gravel top-up arrives automatically, whether or not they need it.
  3. Handle the objection that gravel does not vanish by stressing the convenience of never ordering.
  4. Ask for the yes, mentioning the subscription renews itself quietly twice a year.

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